Still Strong & a rant

It's been a month now, n i'm still celibate.........might just pull it off (highly doubt it tho).

Anywhoo, idleness plus a story of an old acquaintance who wanted to end his life coz of a little slip caused me to remember the following rant that once floated in my head bout 4yrs ago before i even came across blogging:

Should i have told?!

t'was my first time
her touch, her scent, her eyes
a seemed like a dream
i wish it were
t'was my last time.

I'm surrounded; trapped
by their jeers, their jest, their taunts,
i'm weary, beaten and shunned;
i turn away,
i no longer belong
should i have told?

the 'chosen' welcome me
but it's the same
their smiles, their prayers, their sympathy,
their hearts betrayed as they writhe
at my touch, my sight, my very breath
i'm alone
i do no belong
should i have told?

the cool steel shaft comforts me
no longer desiring what i once possed
a bright flash before the all consuming darkness
silence
i'm swimming, spinning, rising
higher and higher
further and further
from the world i no longer belonged
where i shouldn't have told

great gates begin to close at my approach
i rush forth but it's too late
i fall to the ground
crying, cursing, damning
all that i once called true
i turn away
as the rustle of trees remind me
that i'm not welcome
i do not belong

the disease, the sweltering heat, the nauseating stench
surrounded by gloom
my heart welcoming every sickening moment
my torment not beginning
merely continuing
i'm at peace
i finally have a place i belong
i settle down, content
in my suffering, my hate, my little piece of 'heaven'
and wait
for those i told.

Lets get rid of the stigma that surrounds AIDS.