50hr's later, n I'm well enough to finally tell this tale of NewElijah's idiocy last friday. N i should stop trying to gamble and getting into every bet on earth.
It all started last furahi day when my boss took me for pints (I'm falling in love with him.....actually got to 3.30pm, busy as hell, n he sez the magic word...."Twende!!!"). Leave work and go to his locals which is rather dingy, but who gives a damn!!
The evening wears on, i'm starving, n i take my leave. Meet up with my buddy (let's call him G. who was very horny n had been promised a nite of wild passion by some lale he met last week). Grab more pints as we wait for nyama to iva n shit. He's running around all over the place looking for his lale (...she needs a name.....shall come up with one eventually as i narrate events), as i sit and watch this suspiciously lesbian couple in the corner doing their thing (grinding and stuff on the dance floor is acceptable....chatting and carressing each other's thighs while sitted is kinda iffy). It's bout this time that NewElijah calls me up, n begs me to save his sorry arse from C.Soundd.....found out what i was saving him from later (coming up in this story. stay tuned).
.
.
.
G. get's his lale and brings her back to the table....she quickly orders a guiness (on my tab without asking......that black fluid must be the reason lales are able to go at it all nite. I'd ask a chick, but they don't drink the stuff). Anyway, i announce my intended departure and G. pleads to let him finish his beer.....was wondering where he got beer from when he confesses that it's all stolen from other tables (really need to stop hanging out with this guy. Could get myself in alot of trouble).
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.
.
1hr
.
.
.
1.5hrs and 6th beer theft later, we finally hit the road....lale in tow. B*tch doing like 10 fags every 45min. But is all good. Im heavy on the cancer sticks as well. Problem was that these were my cancer sticks.
C.Soundd. Don't really like this joint. Too loud. Doors locked. Call from NewElijah. He's coming out. Wait. Out he comes, together with "sms-L" (short man syndrome L....it's a strain of the Ebola virus. Some nasty shit right there!!...look it up if u don't believe me), "Big W", "Lil' J" (don't hate on the names....fits them to a T) and "Christ". Now Christ is some chick i thankfully haven't seen in ages and from how it looked, the reason i was to be NewElijah's messiah. I aptly name her Christ coz one look at her and you'll go "Christ, didn't you get hit by the ugly train!!". NewElijah was all over that shit...(literary licence disclaimer. This story has been edited to fit my own ends, coz it cud have been Lil J all over her, but who really cares).
.
N.E: Plans?
D.D: Whatever...not home.
G. :Twende Feelers!!
General: Noooo!!!
Christ: Where's Feelers?
D.D: (whisper) "Don't worry, you'll be right at home the way you look"
G. :It's the only place that's open.
Good point. It was 4.40am.
.
.
.
To Be Continued!!!
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
Monday, 3 September 2007
Still Strong & a rant
It's been a month now, n i'm still celibate.........might just pull it off (highly doubt it tho).
Anywhoo, idleness plus a story of an old acquaintance who wanted to end his life coz of a little slip caused me to remember the following rant that once floated in my head bout 4yrs ago before i even came across blogging:
Anywhoo, idleness plus a story of an old acquaintance who wanted to end his life coz of a little slip caused me to remember the following rant that once floated in my head bout 4yrs ago before i even came across blogging:
Should i have told?!
t'was my first time
her touch, her scent, her eyes
a seemed like a dream
i wish it were
t'was my last time.
I'm surrounded; trapped
by their jeers, their jest, their taunts,
i'm weary, beaten and shunned;
i turn away,
i no longer belong
should i have told?
the 'chosen' welcome me
but it's the same
their smiles, their prayers, their sympathy,
their hearts betrayed as they writhe
at my touch, my sight, my very breath
i'm alone
i do no belong
should i have told?
the cool steel shaft comforts me
no longer desiring what i once possed
a bright flash before the all consuming darkness
silence
i'm swimming, spinning, rising
higher and higher
further and further
from the world i no longer belonged
where i shouldn't have told
great gates begin to close at my approach
i rush forth but it's too late
i fall to the ground
crying, cursing, damning
all that i once called true
i turn away
as the rustle of trees remind me
that i'm not welcome
i do not belong
the disease, the sweltering heat, the nauseating stench
surrounded by gloom
my heart welcoming every sickening moment
my torment not beginning
merely continuing
i'm at peace
i finally have a place i belong
i settle down, content
in my suffering, my hate, my little piece of 'heaven'
and wait
for those i told.
t'was my first time
her touch, her scent, her eyes
a seemed like a dream
i wish it were
t'was my last time.
I'm surrounded; trapped
by their jeers, their jest, their taunts,
i'm weary, beaten and shunned;
i turn away,
i no longer belong
should i have told?
the 'chosen' welcome me
but it's the same
their smiles, their prayers, their sympathy,
their hearts betrayed as they writhe
at my touch, my sight, my very breath
i'm alone
i do no belong
should i have told?
the cool steel shaft comforts me
no longer desiring what i once possed
a bright flash before the all consuming darkness
silence
i'm swimming, spinning, rising
higher and higher
further and further
from the world i no longer belonged
where i shouldn't have told
great gates begin to close at my approach
i rush forth but it's too late
i fall to the ground
crying, cursing, damning
all that i once called true
i turn away
as the rustle of trees remind me
that i'm not welcome
i do not belong
the disease, the sweltering heat, the nauseating stench
surrounded by gloom
my heart welcoming every sickening moment
my torment not beginning
merely continuing
i'm at peace
i finally have a place i belong
i settle down, content
in my suffering, my hate, my little piece of 'heaven'
and wait
for those i told.
Lets get rid of the stigma that surrounds AIDS.
Tuesday, 14 August 2007
LIFE WASTED
So it is kind of a bitch getting shit on this blog through my mac at work, whether it is because its a mac or because the network here is fcukd i dont know. But like you can see i do upload when i can. This morning is one such time. I am actually supposed to be reading up and prepairing for a workshop with my authors for a book, but I felt i have to do this so screw the preparations, i will get by.
A couple of days ago Daddy Diablo sent me a link to a very interesting blog. As I read the blog it sparked some deep thoughts in me. Most of us spend the larger part of our days at our work places. But how many of us actually enjoy our jobs?How many of us are doing what we always wanted to do?How many of us wake up early all excited about their day at work and actually feel sad when they leave their work places. And am not talking about those twisted guys who are happy coz they will be distracted at the work place and sad coz now they are going to be left to their thoughts without any distractions!!!
I partially fall into the latter category (I guess it kinda gives credo to my blog alias-disturbed). But anyway this is how i see life
-you wake up early to go to a job that you probably hate
-at some stage you marry or get married. The man goes shagging out there because he finds more comfort away from his wife. He buys big expensive cars and makes loads of money just to prove his selfworth even though the hustle is killing him. The wife also goes getting shagged out there coz theres more comfort away from her aloof or sexless husband or she devotes her life to her kids and her job and jewellery and such other trivialties as an escape.
-the kids grow up, some turn out ok others either become thugs, gay, transexual and god knows what else.
-you are left alone witha spouse you despise
-you die.
Someone please tell me what this life is for!!!!
I gotta get back to my work now, work that i dont believe in at all, yes, am sort of an atheist but i have to prepare work that will be used to teach kids about how good God is and how they should all hanker after his whimsical demands. Later.
A couple of days ago Daddy Diablo sent me a link to a very interesting blog. As I read the blog it sparked some deep thoughts in me. Most of us spend the larger part of our days at our work places. But how many of us actually enjoy our jobs?How many of us are doing what we always wanted to do?How many of us wake up early all excited about their day at work and actually feel sad when they leave their work places. And am not talking about those twisted guys who are happy coz they will be distracted at the work place and sad coz now they are going to be left to their thoughts without any distractions!!!
I partially fall into the latter category (I guess it kinda gives credo to my blog alias-disturbed). But anyway this is how i see life
-you wake up early to go to a job that you probably hate
-at some stage you marry or get married. The man goes shagging out there because he finds more comfort away from his wife. He buys big expensive cars and makes loads of money just to prove his selfworth even though the hustle is killing him. The wife also goes getting shagged out there coz theres more comfort away from her aloof or sexless husband or she devotes her life to her kids and her job and jewellery and such other trivialties as an escape.
-the kids grow up, some turn out ok others either become thugs, gay, transexual and god knows what else.
-you are left alone witha spouse you despise
-you die.
Someone please tell me what this life is for!!!!
I gotta get back to my work now, work that i dont believe in at all, yes, am sort of an atheist but i have to prepare work that will be used to teach kids about how good God is and how they should all hanker after his whimsical demands. Later.
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
She's Gone!
It's been close to one month since i last posted.......a result of laziness, disease, confusion and the thought of impending loneliness. Which is why, i played God and invited Disturbed to join me in this "unveiling of hearts" on a public forum that is blogging.........nay, i am God!!!!!!!!!!!!
Before i proceed, may i say:
She left as of 0745hrs 05/08/'07, to go pursue her studies. After years of bitching and fighting each other, she's left, and now i want her back. How pathetic is that?? Of course her departure was heralded by song and dance from "Miss 21" and the "Case of the X" (sorry for not having shared that before Disturbed), but i somehow don't want the side distractions (secondary head has a Ksh 1000 wager with my primary head that this state of affairs won't last a month).
I'm a little whipped punk with no direction without her........i'm tempted to post more Bob lyrics , but i'll refrain n do it some other time in the week!!
For now, i shall exercise my right hand, sending her text messages (get your minds out the gutter) of love and all affiliated emotions as i plot my next move.
Before i proceed, may i say:
My woman is gone (woman is gone), my woman is gone (woman is gone).
She had left me a note hanging on my door:
She say she couldn't take it, she couldn't take any more.
The pressure around me - just couldn't see;
She felt like a prisoner who needs to be free.
Fools have tried, yeah - wisemen have failed:
Oh, listen to me, honey: life could never be another jail.
Still we know now: we'll never see smoke without fire
And everyone you see has a heart desire.
She's gone (she's gone), she's gone (she's gone),
she's gone (she's gone), she's gone, ye-ah!
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?
She made it through the exit (she just couldn't take it);
She made it through the exit (she just couldn't make it).
And, oh, my children, if you see me cryin':
My woman is gone.
If you see me - if you see me - if you see me -
if you see me cryin' -
If you see me - if you see me - if you see me -
if you see me cryin':
She's gone (she's gone), she's gone (she's gone), she's gone, ye-ah!
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?
She's gone (she's gone), she's gone (she's gone), she's gone
(she's gone)
She had left me a note hanging on my door:
She say she couldn't take it, she couldn't take any more.
The pressure around me - just couldn't see;
She felt like a prisoner who needs to be free.
Fools have tried, yeah - wisemen have failed:
Oh, listen to me, honey: life could never be another jail.
Still we know now: we'll never see smoke without fire
And everyone you see has a heart desire.
She's gone (she's gone), she's gone (she's gone),
she's gone (she's gone), she's gone, ye-ah!
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?
She made it through the exit (she just couldn't take it);
She made it through the exit (she just couldn't make it).
And, oh, my children, if you see me cryin':
My woman is gone.
If you see me - if you see me - if you see me -
if you see me cryin' -
If you see me - if you see me - if you see me -
if you see me cryin':
She's gone (she's gone), she's gone (she's gone), she's gone, ye-ah!
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?
Oh, mocking bird, have you ever heard,
Words that I never heard?
She's gone (she's gone), she's gone (she's gone), she's gone
(she's gone)
(Bob Marley)
She left as of 0745hrs 05/08/'07, to go pursue her studies. After years of bitching and fighting each other, she's left, and now i want her back. How pathetic is that?? Of course her departure was heralded by song and dance from "Miss 21" and the "Case of the X" (sorry for not having shared that before Disturbed), but i somehow don't want the side distractions (secondary head has a Ksh 1000 wager with my primary head that this state of affairs won't last a month).
I'm a little whipped punk with no direction without her........i'm tempted to post more Bob lyrics , but i'll refrain n do it some other time in the week!!
For now, i shall exercise my right hand, sending her text messages (get your minds out the gutter) of love and all affiliated emotions as i plot my next move.
the race
Everyone is currently writing or reading something to do with avoiding getting into the rat race or how to get yourself out of it.Basically am talking about anyone who is reading or writting or has written a self-help or self-motivation book. Trust me it is all BS!There is no avoiding the rat race ever! You actually get into it even without knowing it. Even that guy who is writing to tell you how to avoid the rat race is within the rat race: he is writing so that he can sell the books so that he can pay his bills, buy that SUV he has always wanted (or recently started wanting coz he had discovered a new way to make money out of fools) and to keep his concubines happy! Why am i saying this, because for close to ten years, i thought i was avoiding the rat race but when i recently thought more closely about it, i found that i had been in it ever since i was born. I always wanted a better bag, better grades, more money to buy whatever i want and so on. The rat race is LIFE. So next time you are in a bookshop and you are about to buy a self-help/motivation book, think again. It is all a load of BULLSHIT!!!
Bringing to my next rant. Whats with preachers selling videos and books and making mega money out of the word of God?Isnt preaching, wisdom, healing and working miracles some of the gifts of the holy spirit which are given freely to the service of mankind?Since when did it become acceptable for people to make mega bucks out of the gifts of the holy spirit? And dont tell me they sell for sustenance because the materials are sold at profit not at cost. So yes here again i offer my insightful advice, when you buy that book from Joyce Myers, TD Jakes, Margaret Wanjiru and their ilk, you are basically shoving a pole up your behind. They are thieving from you. Open your eyes!For heavens sake read the Bible!!
Bringing to my next rant. Whats with preachers selling videos and books and making mega money out of the word of God?Isnt preaching, wisdom, healing and working miracles some of the gifts of the holy spirit which are given freely to the service of mankind?Since when did it become acceptable for people to make mega bucks out of the gifts of the holy spirit? And dont tell me they sell for sustenance because the materials are sold at profit not at cost. So yes here again i offer my insightful advice, when you buy that book from Joyce Myers, TD Jakes, Margaret Wanjiru and their ilk, you are basically shoving a pole up your behind. They are thieving from you. Open your eyes!For heavens sake read the Bible!!
Wednesday, 11 July 2007
my giraffe
I had a dream....Bt it was nuthing like any Martin L. King had.
I had a dream this morning (nite shift again).
I dreamt that there was a giraffe in my back yard n that i was having sex with it (anally or vaginally...dnt exactly remember which hole).
Now, wat i found interesting wasn't the fact tht i was having sex with a giraffe, but rather the thoughts i was having during sex with a giraffe. The fact that i could have sex with a giraffe wud mean that i'm like 10' 11" or something with a proportionate pole to match.Nw that's freaky.
N as i kept pumping, i thot that i shud probably see a shrink about this.
Always wanted to see a shrink.Just spend a lazy afternoon spewing my heart out to a fair lady in her mid forties who is probably sexually deprived.Tell her some bullshit story about how i was gang raped by my neighbour's security gorillas that were mad coz they lost the turf war to my other neighbour's turkeys over who gets to beat up my other neighbour's alsatians.Then i'd tell her how the turkeys got enraged on finding out n pecked at my pecker n now (amidst sobs with unnecessary tears) im not sure i can have a woody anymore.Could she please check??N then hav wild freaky fcuk on her soft leather couch.
I'd like to see a shrink.
Damn thngs cost more per hour than lawyers tho.
Oh how i hate lawyers.4yrs in campus with the last one spent screwing every living thing coz they dont hav anythng better to do since they pulling 3 courses per semester.Then after that, they are set loose on the earth like the devil's spawn that they are with the objective to rape, rob n plunder every man n company that may cross their path n to do so under the banner of propagating justice.
Man i hate lawyers.Had this image of putting 1000 or so of the demons in an airtight hall.Then i'd drive in an old beetle with lovely black exhaust fumes n leave it running in the hall.N watch how the little demons react as they suffocate.With some making calls to their families (i wud say loved ones, but i dont think demons have loved ones) n mistresses wit the myriad of phones they carry (kenyan standard shud b about 3 phones per lawyer-1 for the wife he used to fcuk.1 for the wo/man he's currently fcuks, n 1 for the clients he fcuks everday), with others shagging b4 they die, n others trying to get to the keys by using their credit cards to jimmy the door (i'm sure they saw this in a movie.Such is the intelligence of lawyers).
Damn that wud b cool.The idea was extremely seductive.
Was about this point i gave one last hump n...
I had a dream this morning (nite shift again).
I dreamt that there was a giraffe in my back yard n that i was having sex with it (anally or vaginally...dnt exactly remember which hole).
Now, wat i found interesting wasn't the fact tht i was having sex with a giraffe, but rather the thoughts i was having during sex with a giraffe. The fact that i could have sex with a giraffe wud mean that i'm like 10' 11" or something with a proportionate pole to match.Nw that's freaky.
N as i kept pumping, i thot that i shud probably see a shrink about this.
Always wanted to see a shrink.Just spend a lazy afternoon spewing my heart out to a fair lady in her mid forties who is probably sexually deprived.Tell her some bullshit story about how i was gang raped by my neighbour's security gorillas that were mad coz they lost the turf war to my other neighbour's turkeys over who gets to beat up my other neighbour's alsatians.Then i'd tell her how the turkeys got enraged on finding out n pecked at my pecker n now (amidst sobs with unnecessary tears) im not sure i can have a woody anymore.Could she please check??N then hav wild freaky fcuk on her soft leather couch.
I'd like to see a shrink.
Damn thngs cost more per hour than lawyers tho.
Oh how i hate lawyers.4yrs in campus with the last one spent screwing every living thing coz they dont hav anythng better to do since they pulling 3 courses per semester.Then after that, they are set loose on the earth like the devil's spawn that they are with the objective to rape, rob n plunder every man n company that may cross their path n to do so under the banner of propagating justice.
Man i hate lawyers.Had this image of putting 1000 or so of the demons in an airtight hall.Then i'd drive in an old beetle with lovely black exhaust fumes n leave it running in the hall.N watch how the little demons react as they suffocate.With some making calls to their families (i wud say loved ones, but i dont think demons have loved ones) n mistresses wit the myriad of phones they carry (kenyan standard shud b about 3 phones per lawyer-1 for the wife he used to fcuk.1 for the wo/man he's currently fcuks, n 1 for the clients he fcuks everday), with others shagging b4 they die, n others trying to get to the keys by using their credit cards to jimmy the door (i'm sure they saw this in a movie.Such is the intelligence of lawyers).
Damn that wud b cool.The idea was extremely seductive.
Was about this point i gave one last hump n...
O.M.G!! Im cumming!!
That was one tight giraffe!!
Thursday, 5 July 2007
great events
Two great things have happened to me in the span of a half hour!
1.As i happily strolled thru the streets of nairobi (had bn walking for bout 20min), some guy came up to me n says: "Funga zip", n walks away.Bleeding hell.Had been walkin around displaying my flowery boxers for that entire period n no one had botherd say anythng (but then again, i shud have known.Fly women were returning my gaze.Now i know why, coz that sh*t don't happen).
2.A chick gave me brief, clear directions, with landmarks n relevant street information...n via sms.Who wud hav thought a woman has a sense of space n time (yes, i am a chauvinist, n a homophobe to boot.Blog bout that later).
Two posts in one day.Cool.Time to get back to my scrumptious Wimpy burger.
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