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Saturday, 7 June 2008
Thursday, 5 June 2008
Thursday, 15 May 2008
Screeching Symphony
The sirens' song holds me in its grip; drawing me ever closer and closer to my demise upon the rocks of insignificant living. How i let my ship get here i don't know... i lie... i do know... denial... forever telling myself that i have lots of time to set shit correct and that for now i can playfully wallow in all vices that God sent Diablo to lay before us... like a banquet of all things we all love, but should never touch coz to do so is sinful.... shit... bugger up there should elaborate what sinful is coz the only sinful i have been able to identify is that which has now lead me to face the rocks....and now the currents of life threaten, nay; promise to smash me against them... human to blame God for our own fuck-ups... so i scratch that last sentence (but then again, i'm human, so i don't scratch that last sentence).
That music. So sweet. Bathing my body in pleasures had and promised. It makes my eyes blurry. I can hardly see the rocks any more but i know they're there. I know they've been waiting for me for a long time now. Surprised it's taken me this long to encounter them....must be my sloth - kept me from succeeding, and in the same breath, kept me from failing.
Until now.
It's only a matter of time. Like the Merovingian would say - Causality!
What the hell happened to faith.
A different tune does play. I hear it. I feel it. I want it. I love it. I wish it weren't so faint. I know it's her's ...but do i really know her to turn away from the siren's call?
Do i really know the sirens?
Do i know myself?
Fuck it!!
Clear Eyes; Full Hearts; Can't Lose
I will turn my ship around and go to her, failing which i will put air in my sails and navigate through the rocks n kill those fucking birds!! Either way,
I will Touch God!!
p.s: I wish i truly knew what the hell it was i was writing about above.
p.p.s: I have been away too long....n i honestly have no reason for why that is....okay, part of the reason is what's written above if you can decipher any of it. If not, don't worry.....no one really cares.
p.p.p.s: I raise my middle finger at you!!
That music. So sweet. Bathing my body in pleasures had and promised. It makes my eyes blurry. I can hardly see the rocks any more but i know they're there. I know they've been waiting for me for a long time now. Surprised it's taken me this long to encounter them....must be my sloth - kept me from succeeding, and in the same breath, kept me from failing.
Until now.
It's only a matter of time. Like the Merovingian would say - Causality!
What the hell happened to faith.
A different tune does play. I hear it. I feel it. I want it. I love it. I wish it weren't so faint. I know it's her's ...but do i really know her to turn away from the siren's call?
Do i really know the sirens?
Do i know myself?
Fuck it!!
Clear Eyes; Full Hearts; Can't Lose
I will turn my ship around and go to her, failing which i will put air in my sails and navigate through the rocks n kill those fucking birds!! Either way,
I will Touch God!!
p.s: I wish i truly knew what the hell it was i was writing about above.
p.p.s: I have been away too long....n i honestly have no reason for why that is....okay, part of the reason is what's written above if you can decipher any of it. If not, don't worry.....no one really cares.
p.p.p.s: I raise my middle finger at you!!
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
Woody!!
He woke up, sharp, standing tall, ready for whatever the day would bring.
He woke up, as always ahead of his master, wanting to get a grand start to the day, but there was nothing he could do about it for now because his master had surprised everyone the night before by drinking a full bottle of Viceroy.
A slight scent of synthetic rubber hung over his skin and the ache in his head brought back the memories. Truly, he had served his master well last night. Even through the haze of alcohol, miraa and nicotine, he had done his job correct, and for that, he felt proud of himself and proud to be joined to such a master as his.
That's when he felt IT stir.
Crap. He couldn't believe his eye. Could it be? No. His master was honest and true. It couldn't be IT! The memory of the night before slowly drew itself fully, with him drifting off to sleep shortly before his master, and...........
Damn!!!
His master had tricked him. His master had promised to get rid of IT once he had done his job. He'd done his job. He'd held up his part of the agreement, why couldn't his master hold, up to his end, the drunk fuck!!
IT stirred again!
Crap.
"Please master wake up. I promise I'll never lead you astray again master. Please."
But master couldn't hear. Master was too drunk to hear him. Master didn't care bout him.
IT stirred!
"Master please wake up"
IT stirred and now let out a low moan.
"Master!!!!!!!!!"
IT stirred and spotted him. He tried to recede within himself, but the adrenaline had his blood coursing through his veins harder and harder forcing his neck to stretch further forth and his head to swell till he thought he'd pop.
Damn, IT was hideous in the light. IT was horrifying, yet sadistically captivating, akin to looking upon the face of Medusa. But this was not the Medusa. No! IT was far far worse, for IT was:
A gnarled hand reached forth and grabbed him by the neck. The Mav slowly bent forth whilst smacking her cigarette charred lips within hideously large jaws whose only purpose was to drain the life from him...render him comatose.
"I see you missed me!"
That smile. Malevolent and full of mischief. He tried to turn away from that smile but he couldn't. The Mav brought that smile closer and closer. Fear and adrenaline surged through him. A low cackling laughter came from between her lips as her rugged fist strangled him further. The smile changed into a sneer, and then The Mav opened her lips. With one last breath he screamed for his master, but his cries were snuffed out as The Mav engulfed his head between her jaws.
Darkness.
Light.
Darkness.
Light.
The systematic shifting of light and dark coupled with the pressure around his neck made him feel dizzy. His fear of the dark grew with every moment. He was losing his mind. His head was gonna explode.
"Not in here you don't. Time to take you cave exploring. Hahahahaha"
'Evil beast. How did his master ever come across this fiendish creature. It was all that arsehole's fault! Daddy D. It was D.D. who said that it was good. It was D.D. who liquored up my master to the point that he no longer listened to me, only to D.D. I'll kill that D.D. someday. Then I'll take out Master, for master is weak. Master does not deserve me!'
In his monologue, he had failed to notice that The Mav had stirred again, shifted positions, but that gnarled hand never let go of his throat. That's when his eye saw it. The Holy Forest. Within it lay the Cave of Wonders. But this cave had been robbed many times before by those such as he; and pilferage by the very hand that choked him now made it a massive hallway.
His latex. He couldn't smell it on him.
"Master!!!!!"
The cave came closer.
"Master! My hat!!"
But master couldn't hear him!
Darkness engulfed his head. The pressure around his neck eased as the hand let go and urged him forth. Hot, wet heat surrounded his entire body. Raw, soft flesh clung to his skin causing an eerie sensation.
'It not meant to be like this!'
The Mav cackled in perverse pleasure.
'Is this how I'm to go out? Is this how it's to end?'
Growing fear and confusion. Lost. The pressure in his cranium growing and growing.
The Mav cackled again.
Master woke. Master buckled and screamed aghast at the sight before him. Master realized that he only felt pure, unadulterated pleasure!
'It's too late my master. You've let me down!'
His head exploded within the cave.
p.s: this tale was told by G. (a single line mention on how his morning hard-on was exploited by this female without the requisite rubber equipment -ain't alcohol grand!!) and remixed totally for 'taming the devil' by your's truly Daddy D.
p.p.s: Little brother is safely down in Malaysia. all the best to him. I miss the prick.
He woke up, as always ahead of his master, wanting to get a grand start to the day, but there was nothing he could do about it for now because his master had surprised everyone the night before by drinking a full bottle of Viceroy.
A slight scent of synthetic rubber hung over his skin and the ache in his head brought back the memories. Truly, he had served his master well last night. Even through the haze of alcohol, miraa and nicotine, he had done his job correct, and for that, he felt proud of himself and proud to be joined to such a master as his.
That's when he felt IT stir.
Crap. He couldn't believe his eye. Could it be? No. His master was honest and true. It couldn't be IT! The memory of the night before slowly drew itself fully, with him drifting off to sleep shortly before his master, and...........
Damn!!!
His master had tricked him. His master had promised to get rid of IT once he had done his job. He'd done his job. He'd held up his part of the agreement, why couldn't his master hold, up to his end, the drunk fuck!!
IT stirred again!
Crap.
"Please master wake up. I promise I'll never lead you astray again master. Please."
But master couldn't hear. Master was too drunk to hear him. Master didn't care bout him.
IT stirred!
"Master please wake up"
IT stirred and now let out a low moan.
"Master!!!!!!!!!"
IT stirred and spotted him. He tried to recede within himself, but the adrenaline had his blood coursing through his veins harder and harder forcing his neck to stretch further forth and his head to swell till he thought he'd pop.
Damn, IT was hideous in the light. IT was horrifying, yet sadistically captivating, akin to looking upon the face of Medusa. But this was not the Medusa. No! IT was far far worse, for IT was:
A gnarled hand reached forth and grabbed him by the neck. The Mav slowly bent forth whilst smacking her cigarette charred lips within hideously large jaws whose only purpose was to drain the life from him...render him comatose.
"I see you missed me!"
That smile. Malevolent and full of mischief. He tried to turn away from that smile but he couldn't. The Mav brought that smile closer and closer. Fear and adrenaline surged through him. A low cackling laughter came from between her lips as her rugged fist strangled him further. The smile changed into a sneer, and then The Mav opened her lips. With one last breath he screamed for his master, but his cries were snuffed out as The Mav engulfed his head between her jaws.
Darkness.
Light.
Darkness.
Light.
The systematic shifting of light and dark coupled with the pressure around his neck made him feel dizzy. His fear of the dark grew with every moment. He was losing his mind. His head was gonna explode.
"Not in here you don't. Time to take you cave exploring. Hahahahaha"
'Evil beast. How did his master ever come across this fiendish creature. It was all that arsehole's fault! Daddy D. It was D.D. who said that it was good. It was D.D. who liquored up my master to the point that he no longer listened to me, only to D.D. I'll kill that D.D. someday. Then I'll take out Master, for master is weak. Master does not deserve me!'
In his monologue, he had failed to notice that The Mav had stirred again, shifted positions, but that gnarled hand never let go of his throat. That's when his eye saw it. The Holy Forest. Within it lay the Cave of Wonders. But this cave had been robbed many times before by those such as he; and pilferage by the very hand that choked him now made it a massive hallway.
His latex. He couldn't smell it on him.
"Master!!!!!"
The cave came closer.
"Master! My hat!!"
But master couldn't hear him!
Darkness engulfed his head. The pressure around his neck eased as the hand let go and urged him forth. Hot, wet heat surrounded his entire body. Raw, soft flesh clung to his skin causing an eerie sensation.
'It not meant to be like this!'
The Mav cackled in perverse pleasure.
'Is this how I'm to go out? Is this how it's to end?'
Growing fear and confusion. Lost. The pressure in his cranium growing and growing.
The Mav cackled again.
Master woke. Master buckled and screamed aghast at the sight before him. Master realized that he only felt pure, unadulterated pleasure!
'It's too late my master. You've let me down!'
His head exploded within the cave.
p.p.s: Little brother is safely down in Malaysia. all the best to him. I miss the prick.
Thursday, 13 March 2008
Dark travels faster than the speed of light.
I have lost it. Vitriol. I have none in me anymore.
It's what drove me through every freaking day of my inconsequential existence on this wasteland called earth.
It's what helped me wake up thinking to myself "how do we fuck the world today". I don't wanna wake up anymore, nor do i wanna fuck anything.
It's what made me shower, coz i hated the smell of sweat. Could care less now.
It's what made me good at my job coz i hated the way things were being done around here. Fuckers can bathe in acid coz i don't give a shit.
It's what made me hate over indulgence in alcohol coz i hated being drunk; i hated drunks; n i looked upon drunk females as spittle.......can't wait to be drunk nowadays. At least that way i something to hate in the morning - myself.
It's what made me seek answers to questions and things that i didn't understand coz i hated being ignorant. Now i am like many....spewing 'knowlegable' filth in discussions i know nothing about.
It's what made me dislike but fear God for i object to many of his methods. I'm afraid for myself, coz i'm losing my dislike and in the process, my fear of Him and this is not a place that i want to be coz i know that i probably cannot ever truly love him (not inclined to try either) and if i lose my fear of Him, then He'll mean nothing. After all these years of arguing with Him, i pray that it would somehow count for something.....nothing means that i wasted years of my life seeking Him out when i should have been with the rest of my high school mates chasing after tail.
It's what drove me through every freaking day of my inconsequential existence on this wasteland called earth.
It's what helped me wake up thinking to myself "how do we fuck the world today". I don't wanna wake up anymore, nor do i wanna fuck anything.
It's what made me shower, coz i hated the smell of sweat. Could care less now.
It's what made me good at my job coz i hated the way things were being done around here. Fuckers can bathe in acid coz i don't give a shit.
It's what made me hate over indulgence in alcohol coz i hated being drunk; i hated drunks; n i looked upon drunk females as spittle.......can't wait to be drunk nowadays. At least that way i something to hate in the morning - myself.
It's what made me seek answers to questions and things that i didn't understand coz i hated being ignorant. Now i am like many....spewing 'knowlegable' filth in discussions i know nothing about.
It's what made me dislike but fear God for i object to many of his methods. I'm afraid for myself, coz i'm losing my dislike and in the process, my fear of Him and this is not a place that i want to be coz i know that i probably cannot ever truly love him (not inclined to try either) and if i lose my fear of Him, then He'll mean nothing. After all these years of arguing with Him, i pray that it would somehow count for something.....nothing means that i wasted years of my life seeking Him out when i should have been with the rest of my high school mates chasing after tail.
“He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave.”
Andrew Carnegie
I cannot reason anymore. It's all futile.
I will not reason anymore. It's aggravating to do so.
I dare not reason anymore. I may find the reason behind my reason for not reasoning. And it shall be in a very very black place within.
Is this living or existing?! Fucking rhetorical question should anyone deem answering it. I need not your advice. Nor your prayers. Nor your freaking sympathy. I give it to no man; i expect none in return!
I do love though. Her's is the only time that i feel at rest. At peace with myself and with this blackness that surrounds me.
But can love replace the vitriol that has driven me forward for the past 26years. I think not....nay, I'm afraid of finding out. It would mean starting all over with an outlook anew - a child discovering the world for the first time, but without anyone to catch me should i fall. I do confess, I lack the courage to do so. I'm weak; pathetic like that shitty piece of chewing gum stuck on your sole whose purpose it to be spread thin on rough concrete as you try and get it off.
Fuck it....I'm hungry!!
p.s: My little brother leaves next week for further IT studies in Malaysia. Probably vanish like my sister did. Bummer. Make him drunk for old times sake kesho.
p.p.s: This is the current me:
I will not reason anymore. It's aggravating to do so.
I dare not reason anymore. I may find the reason behind my reason for not reasoning. And it shall be in a very very black place within.
Is this living or existing?! Fucking rhetorical question should anyone deem answering it. I need not your advice. Nor your prayers. Nor your freaking sympathy. I give it to no man; i expect none in return!
I do love though. Her's is the only time that i feel at rest. At peace with myself and with this blackness that surrounds me.
But can love replace the vitriol that has driven me forward for the past 26years. I think not....nay, I'm afraid of finding out. It would mean starting all over with an outlook anew - a child discovering the world for the first time, but without anyone to catch me should i fall. I do confess, I lack the courage to do so. I'm weak; pathetic like that shitty piece of chewing gum stuck on your sole whose purpose it to be spread thin on rough concrete as you try and get it off.
Fuck it....I'm hungry!!
p.s: My little brother leaves next week for further IT studies in Malaysia. Probably vanish like my sister did. Bummer. Make him drunk for old times sake kesho.
p.p.s: This is the current me:
"Thinking is what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.”
William James
William James
Friday, 7 March 2008
THE DEVIL AND ME
Yesternight I had another confrontation with the devil (or is it God trying to talk to me?). Anyway, so I go to bed and light my mosquito coil (we got manic, psychotic mosquitos at our place!) and get into bed. A few minutes later, barely 6minutes by the way because i had turned on some music on my phone and two songs had barely played, I hear someone whispering. I wake up with a start! I tell myself that the mosquito coil is what is causing me to hallucinate (though I have used it several times before without having the same effect), I get up, put it off and go back to bed. It turns out that it wasn't the coil, because throughout the night, the whisperings continue. I toss turn and the whisperings continue. I couldn't hear what was being whispered, either because it wasn't clear or because I was too scared to listen. Will someone please tell me what is happening??????
PS: On the night of the first encounter with 'the devil' (see blog with the same title), I had noticed there were no mosquitos as I got into bed. Last night, as I got into bed, I also noticed that there were no mosquitos (I lit the coil as a precaution). Could there actually be something going on here???HELP!
PS: On the night of the first encounter with 'the devil' (see blog with the same title), I had noticed there were no mosquitos as I got into bed. Last night, as I got into bed, I also noticed that there were no mosquitos (I lit the coil as a precaution). Could there actually be something going on here???HELP!
Friday, 29 February 2008
Shhhhh@#$%!!!tt
I just loaded a bamba 50 on my very expensive phone that is used to the likes of 250 to 800 Ksh top ups. I swear it almost laughed at me. Actually took 4 tries before it loaded. I'm guessing it's totally offended. Brokeness i tell u. Lakini furahi day lazima ibambe, au sio!!
Moving on swiftly, i had absolutely nothing to say today, and as is evidenced, i haven't said anything all week. Not from the fact that nothing has been going on, just that i don't know how to say it. Basically revolves what weakens all men... a girl!! Tell u, these creatures shall be the end of all mankind. Really weird considering my age. Dare i say it, i may have met my soul mate (the back ground noise u be hearing right about now is just New Elijah laughing. Ignore it).
Jana was a cool nite (not as cool as wednesday which was spent in her arms mainly). Went drinking (politely. no binge) n shooting pool. Intention was to be home by 9pm. that turned into 10..11..12..01..02..03..04am. Crap. Running on 2.5hrs rest. Hangover was a bitch. Somehow no one at work has noticed that i'm not all there. But then again, we haven't had a single sale all day. That 8% that Kimunya is promising, i await to see.
feeling very disillusioned bout my life right now. Only bright thing going on is being around her. I'm sooo smitten it's disgusting.
But the day isn't a total loss. I came across this really cool blog. Totally jazzed me. Thank God (this phrase is so overused, i doubt it's a sin any more, coz if i was God, yenyewe i'd have gotten tired of reminding people not to use my name in vain a long time ago) i don't have a housemate like that (or do i?? mayhap New Elijah can shed some light on that). This essay is also really cool (read it at your own peril. not very christian friendly) n this chick does some of the longest posts i have ever read.....n they ain't boring. Mad props to her.
Let me be outta here before the screen hurts my bloodshot eyes any longer.
Happy new March everyone.
p.s. : I shall finish "a series of unfortunate drunken events" eventually.
p.p.s. : To all whom i may have blessed, it was a pleasure. To all whom i may have offended, i beg pardon. To all arseholes i may have met, may you rot. Needed to say this should my life be snuffed out unexpectedly by Him.....or should i snuff it out myself (i'd still blame Him somehow for that, coz i'm almost certain that He'd be the root cause).
p.p.p.s. : I'm not suicidal..........yet.
Moving on swiftly, i had absolutely nothing to say today, and as is evidenced, i haven't said anything all week. Not from the fact that nothing has been going on, just that i don't know how to say it. Basically revolves what weakens all men... a girl!! Tell u, these creatures shall be the end of all mankind. Really weird considering my age. Dare i say it, i may have met my soul mate (the back ground noise u be hearing right about now is just New Elijah laughing. Ignore it).
Jana was a cool nite (not as cool as wednesday which was spent in her arms mainly). Went drinking (politely. no binge) n shooting pool. Intention was to be home by 9pm. that turned into 10..11..12..01..02..03..04am. Crap. Running on 2.5hrs rest. Hangover was a bitch. Somehow no one at work has noticed that i'm not all there. But then again, we haven't had a single sale all day. That 8% that Kimunya is promising, i await to see.
feeling very disillusioned bout my life right now. Only bright thing going on is being around her. I'm sooo smitten it's disgusting.
But the day isn't a total loss. I came across this really cool blog. Totally jazzed me. Thank God (this phrase is so overused, i doubt it's a sin any more, coz if i was God, yenyewe i'd have gotten tired of reminding people not to use my name in vain a long time ago) i don't have a housemate like that (or do i?? mayhap New Elijah can shed some light on that). This essay is also really cool (read it at your own peril. not very christian friendly) n this chick does some of the longest posts i have ever read.....n they ain't boring. Mad props to her.
Let me be outta here before the screen hurts my bloodshot eyes any longer.
Happy new March everyone.
p.s. : I shall finish "a series of unfortunate drunken events" eventually.
p.p.s. : To all whom i may have blessed, it was a pleasure. To all whom i may have offended, i beg pardon. To all arseholes i may have met, may you rot. Needed to say this should my life be snuffed out unexpectedly by Him.....or should i snuff it out myself (i'd still blame Him somehow for that, coz i'm almost certain that He'd be the root cause).
p.p.p.s. : I'm not suicidal..........yet.
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