Friday, 29 February 2008


I just loaded a bamba 50 on my very expensive phone that is used to the likes of 250 to 800 Ksh top ups. I swear it almost laughed at me. Actually took 4 tries before it loaded. I'm guessing it's totally offended. Brokeness i tell u. Lakini furahi day lazima ibambe, au sio!!

Moving on swiftly, i had absolutely nothing to say today, and as is evidenced, i haven't said anything all week. Not from the fact that nothing has been going on, just that i don't know how to say it. Basically revolves what weakens all men... a girl!! Tell u, these creatures shall be the end of all mankind. Really weird considering my age. Dare i say it, i may have met my soul mate (the back ground noise u be hearing right about now is just New Elijah laughing. Ignore it).

Jana was a cool nite (not as cool as wednesday which was spent in her arms mainly). Went drinking (politely. no binge) n shooting pool. Intention was to be home by 9pm. that turned into 10..11..12..01..02..03..04am. Crap. Running on 2.5hrs rest. Hangover was a bitch. Somehow no one at work has noticed that i'm not all there. But then again, we haven't had a single sale all day. That 8% that Kimunya is promising, i await to see.

feeling very disillusioned bout my life right now. Only bright thing going on is being around her. I'm sooo smitten it's disgusting.

But the day isn't a total loss. I came across this really cool blog. Totally jazzed me. Thank God (this phrase is so overused, i doubt it's a sin any more, coz if i was God, yenyewe i'd have gotten tired of reminding people not to use my name in vain a long time ago) i don't have a housemate like that (or do i?? mayhap New Elijah can shed some light on that). This essay is also really cool (read it at your own peril. not very christian friendly) n this chick does some of the longest posts i have ever read.....n they ain't boring. Mad props to her.

Let me be outta here before the screen hurts my bloodshot eyes any longer.

Happy new March everyone.

p.s. : I shall finish "a series of unfortunate drunken events" eventually.

p.p.s. : To all whom i may have blessed, it was a pleasure. To all whom i may have offended, i beg pardon. To all arseholes i may have met, may you rot. Needed to say this should my life be snuffed out unexpectedly by Him.....or should i snuff it out myself (i'd still blame Him somehow for that, coz i'm almost certain that He'd be the root cause).

p.p.p.s. : I'm not suicidal..........yet.

Monday, 25 February 2008

The Devil

He is after me! I swear the devil is after me!

Friday morning, I had what is called sleep paralysis. That feeling that someone is pressing you down. You try to raise yourself but you can't. Only difference is that this time round, I saw a figure sitting on me. It was damn scary!Shit! I consulted my friends who have at one time experienced sleep paralysis, none of them has ever seen a figure sitting on them! I couldn't see the figures face coz I was lying on my side. Perhaps it was for my own good I didn't see its face, because I don't know what I would have done if I had stared into the devil's face!

Monday morning, I wake up to strange noises, Diablo's siren like alarm, coupled with the meowing of like a thousand cats (the freaky kind of meow- you know, the kind that sounds like it's a child crying)! I am totaly freaked out. In my head, as I slept, there were images of dead people, demons and all those other freaky stuff!

To add on, of late, everytime I go to bed and close my eyes, I see images of tortured souls and other marshed up images.

I swear the devil is after me. Where do I run, what do I do? Heeeeeeellllp!

PS: My tortures aside, Diablo is in 'love'. I put it in quotes deliberately because he is actually at the infatuation stage. He is all giggly, all smiley face, damn mentions her name like a hundred times a day (and each mention is accompanied by a swoon and dreamy eyes). I am happy for him. But I am even happier to realize that the a-hole who has been calling me a bitch and trash-talking about me being all marshy inside is just the same as me if not softer!!!hahahahahaha! And guys called Freud a fraud when he talked about projection!!!Ha!

PPS:I need to quit drinking. I got lost on Friday night after a heavy drinking binge. Got a lift in some guys car up to a point where I could successfully get home. I am touched that even with the world having gone to the dogs, there are still some good people left in the world, coz I truly don't know many people who would offer a lift to a drunk stranger! But I think that was a sign that its about time i quit doing such heavy drinking. He could have been a psycho who picks up drunk men, rapes them and then torturously dismembers them!!
But then again, maybe it is a sign that drinking is ok coz the guy was high and he actually confessed that he only gave me a lift coz he was high!!

Friday, 22 February 2008

'Tis the Weekend Baby

Been a cool and crazy 8 days since i last was able to post (though liquor and other extra curricular activities have certainly cut into my internet time).

Had big plans for this weekend. Unfortunately they were never meant to be. Taking the old lady to shagz kesho, return sunday. So i can basically scratch the next 48hrs hanging out with my Feb 14th date (going really well so far. It's part of the 'Unfortunate drunken events' tale so i shall eventually talk bout her).

Mashada is back on line. Bummer. Was hoping that it would stay shut down for a few more weeks or so. That was/is one nasty site. Or is it the people ( in the mind of "guns don't kill people....people kill people"). On that note, I had started a post tuesday, that i couldn't publish coz right now, and all through i shall not do any posts tribal "negative ethnicity" (we live in a politically incorrect world) bull crap on this blog., but the long and short of it was that some customer wanted me to gang up with him against the store keeper in a discussion the two were having for the mere fact that i was of the "house of mumbi".

Let me go start my very sad weekend. Maybe i'll post from shags, if Safaricom GPRS goes that far.

p.s. :Invited another bugger to this blog, but he tends to be very limited in the english/swahili languages. Much the time i have no idea what the bugger is saying, so u'll forgive him should he decide to grace these pages that are "taming the devils" in us.

Thursday, 14 February 2008


i. Lithium: third element of the periodic table. A silvery soft alkali metal.
ii. Lithium: lithium salts are used in the treatment of mental disorders such as bipolar disorder.
iii. Lithium: heavenly track by Nirvana, off the album Nevermind.

Was meant to blog this morning, but what the the hey!!

Been working on my patent dream. Fossil lubricant alternatives......last sample i worked on survived 3hrs in the oven at 120C before denaturing. Totally cool. Best i've ever gotten was 90Cfor 1.5hrs. Used a lithium base this time round.....used it before, but somehow this time was different. Anywhoo, had run out of the stuff. Shipment came in jana.....badly denting my pocket (private project....the company don't really care for my extra curricular activities). Might have to back off for sometime to get reserves to do medium batch production...real excited.

That's it for the day.

p.s. :got me a casual date leo. so cool.

p.p.s. : Hypocrisy is Kenyan Church Leaders making the following statement "Church leaders have displayed partisan values in situations that called for national interest. The church has remained disunited and its voice swallowed in the cacophony of vested interests". The following up that statement with "the crisis has evposed weaknesses in the national leadership", and then going further to that they indicted the last Parliament for unsatisfactory performance and its "collective selfishness and greed". Oh Jesus, who will lead us to u?? coz it aint these pricks!!

Wednesday, 13 February 2008

A series of fortunate drunken events........part 2

Previously on "A series of fortunate drunken events":

  • daddy diablo, B n Black travelled safely to their graduation ceremony preparations in a town far far away.
  • on the fourth day of their drinking binge, they meet up with a fellow drunk know to all as triple H.
  • triple H attracts a female he does not want to hang out with due to an assumed fallout months before.
  • daddy diablo hastily moves in and begins to devour triple H's delicious droppings.
  • unfortunately for daddy diablo, all he gets are digits but he soldiers on unperturbed.
And now, "A series of unfortunate drunken events" continues.

December 6

Yesterday, we somehow managed to get gowns......courtesy of B. flirting with the dean's secretary (forties and misshapen and i think she lives on a farm coz she kinda has a slight smell of dung does he do it? gotta ask him someday). Headed immediately back to the pub before B. went any further with the secretary (i think he's got some kind of fetish or something). Ditch campus and head back to town for a drink or two...or three....or four....or five....losing count.

Midnight fast approaches. Parents call to tell me that they are safely in their hotel. 'Are you excited?' "Yes mother." 'My car ok?' "Yes mother." 'Are you drinking?' crap. "Yes mother." i so hate lying to her 'Don't overdo it. You graduate in the morning.' "Yes mother." 'Good nite.' "Gnite mother." Damn, i need a drink.

She calls. Heart racing. I answer, trying to keep my slurring to a minimum. She's coming over in twenty. Cool. Enough time to ditch triple H.

D.D. : We change pubs. I hear guys are on the other side of town.
triple H (very wasted): Akina nani?
D.D. : Wasee kibao!
triple H : Sawa.
D.D. : B., we'll be right back. Need to dump abit of trash.
B. : Safi
triple H : B., haukuji?
B. : Zi, nikosafi as-hapa.
triple H : Poa.

Swiftly leave the club. Times running out. triple H is already dozing off in the car. Get to pub on the opposite side of town. Find some guy that i really don't like pinting huko. We sit. I order a round.....mbili mbili. "Need to pee". Slide out of the pub and dash back to prior club. 17 min operation. Like i said, i'm goooood.

B. got someone. Forget her name in 5 seconds eyes on only one woman tonite. tick, tock, tick, she's here!!! "Drink?" 'Yes pliz. but i cant stay.'


Blah, blah, blah (this word is used coz triple H's name came up one too many times in conversation. Thankfully, tusker makes everything interesting).

3 am. 'I gotta go. Travelling to bundus in the morning.' like i care "Just one more drink?!" 'No, i really need to go.' tusker is really sweet....time to ditch your lovely as it is "Ok, let me drop you".

Out the joint. 5 min ride to her crib. Peck on the cheek. 'Tell triple H to call me'


to be continued

p.s. : Got lithium today. to be kesho mornings post.

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

A series of fortunate drunken events........part 1

(do i really wanna do this?? don't hate me if i don't finish it. shall just let my fingers type for now, see if any storyline develops.)

December 2006!!

Graduation is here. Totally awesome. 5 years of scraping through the system can officially be closed by a week of binging. But first things first, i gotta travel the 330 klicks in style, i.e. i need me a off to my one true love to ask. Mummy. Guess that's why the catholics pray to the Virgin - u shan't be denied!! (i could go off on a tangent here and speak of what the Father would probably say, just like my father would probably say...and it ain't in the lines off "go ask your mother"... more like "rot in Hades you insolent bug" , but i won't!!)

Road Trip baby. Now all i need me be some road hogs. Holla at my boy B. Holla at my brother from another mother Black! (forgive the line.....just sooo always wanted to use it). Bummer is that Black don't drink, but B surely does (did he break up with his woman, u ask? watch this space for updates). Got me lots of cash. Time to hit the road.

The week flew by swiftly....but that's probably because i was in a drunken stupor much of the time, so i don't remember much of what was happening, just the sexy sweet taste of tusker running down my throat.

On the fourth day, it happened. Not the second coming, but close enuff..... She walked in. 5' 8", killer arse, petite perky breasts, dark skin. Heavenly. The fool i was sitted with (triple H) started shuffling and looking like a weasel might while breaking it's virginity.

D.D. : Like was up??
triple H: Don't want that mama to find me.
D.D. (for the life of me, i couldn't figure out the choice between lovely female and beer so ofcourse) : Why??
triple H: I ditched her when we cleared campo.
D.D. (music to my ears. truth be told, i'm a nasty scavenger. plus, i don't question any dude on why he'd ditch a fly in point, my hero Eric Bennet) : just act like u haven't seen her.

Of course at this point, i lean back, pretending to be trying to grab the waitresses' attention, all the while giving her clear view of triple H. The inevitable happens (evil grin on my face)....she comes over. Introductions are made. B. knowing what i was up to gets her a chair. A quiet argument between the two ensues. triple H moves away to the bathroom (briefly, but more than enuf time for me to work. alcohol is quite a wonder drug). She got a frown on her face. Cool. Make her smile. We talk. triple H is back. Frown returns. Even cooler. He goes to get a drink, meets a buddy of his....lot's of time. Smile and giggles returns under my well calculated statements and flattery and "i totally understand comments" (get's them all the time). Time flies. She notices triple H trying to sneak out the door. Follows Him. Nuts for me....back to tusker. She returns alone...i'm goooood!!!!

"I need to go lala". I sooo hate that phrase. But is all good. Drop her to her crib. Hugs (no kisses). Phone number..."Holla". Back to the pub. A job well done!

to be continued.....i swear.

p.s. : In my very first blog post ever, i said "Anyway, shall use this blog to do my rants, give my one-sided view of the world around me, curse, praise n piss on what i want, when i want and just generally release the demons within me!!". Now, NewElijah seems to have forgotten this bit, but like i earlier noted, he's currently feminised. I didn't know how bad it was till i read his post, but anyway, u can clearly see what i mean.

p.p.s: i'm almost certain this is the start of a "blog contributor war" so to speak. hehehe. so cool.

p.p.p.s: NewElijah (aka heathen) saying "God is by my side". Go figure.

p.p.p.p.s: Just justified this post. Never done that before. Just thought i'd share.

Another Rebuttal

So I am also back into this blogging thing. Its been a while and alot has happened in that time.

But first, I rebutt DDs statement that I am a 'woman' for saying that The Matrix was overrated. I still hold that it is overrated. But that is my view, it doesnt have to agree with DD's views or the views of others who have seen the movie. It is like a poem, the poet has his views about the poem and every person has his/her views about the poem. Some peoples views are the similar and others' (like mine and DD's) are different. Sorry DD if my comments hurt, (that is for both The Matrix and Mad Max) but that is just the way it is, we can not always hold the same views!

Moving on swiftly (what a terrible and overused statemet), the alcohol. Yes, it is time to cut down on it. I have suffered too many blackouts, had too many crappy mornings and experienced too many dizzy spells to keep up with this! DD, we need to get serious with this.

One last thing and this is personal. I recently got informed that I am going to be laid off due to the chaos (like DD, I too would do terrible things to those 2 a-holes for doing this). It shocked me out of my comfort zone. I am beginning to realise, just how much time and life I have wasted. I have not lived, I have existed, survived, gone through life in a stupor, a spectator in my own life. Its time I started living. It will make some people angry, some people will hate me because they will say I let them down, some people will insult me to high heaven, I will suffer a lot, but I will not let the fear overwhelm me, not anymore. God is by my side.

PS: Yea, I know this is all mushy mushy, but fuck it, this is my shit.
And DD, I disagree with you-again-women are lovely creatures of God, whose intelligence, just like men, varies from one individual to the other! Though more driven by emotion (whether this is a good or bad thing depends on the individual!)

Monday, 11 February 2008

Crap! I Can't Type!!

Had started this post different and two paragraphs into it, i realised that i wasn't really saying much (nothing new there. i never say anything of consequence). Drank too much this weekend. Way, way, way too much. NewElijah concurs with me that we gotta slow down on this crap. Shall try again this afternoon, coz i got me a good story.....just can't seem to be able to tell it right now. Maybe make it into a series (never completed my last attempted series, but for sure, ima finish this one). Until later!!

p.s: (!!! it's easier to secure a good seat in hell than a bad seat in heaven !!! - heard something similar, remixed it to my own standard, ergo a D.D. original)

Friday, 8 February 2008

Furahi Day!!

Before i start (on what, i am yet to figure out), i would like to point out that someone last night said that THE MATRIX was overrated. A fork through your eye, coz it seems that you don't know a good movie even when it hits you up your balls. And for a whole male (...i exempt all women from sci-fi flicks coz i understand that they take alot of brain power to follow and sit through without giving her a chance to banter about shoes and stuff...also, all sci-fi movies that may have a foreign language scene employ subtitles which defeat women coz they hate reading on tv so cheap mexican translators have to be employed for their favourite choice of programming). Anyway, i'll get you some panty hose my male friend for saying that THE MATRIX was overrated.

Today is drinking day (drank yesterday, but just abit, so that don't count). I don't have to work tomorrow (raila/kibaki, should i ever come across u and i got me a gun, ima shuut u azzes......not sure if the last part is treasonous, but muthafucker don't care for his country, why shud i give a shit bout decorum). Yup, business is slow. Collected a total of 45k in p.d cheques this week from the few customers who could pay. Bummer. Anyway, the drinks will take away all the pain.

My buddy B. was tellin me (via sms) that he was gonna be breaking up with his woman last nite n would tell me bout it tnite in our club of choice "The Mad House". Anywayz, New Elijah (to be referred to only as male from now on for insulting THE MATRIX. He got a new woman by tha way. Must be the reason for his current feminisation) sez that a dude who talks bout breaking up with his woman before actually doing it is doing just that....talking. I shall wait to find out nuthing to lose, everything to gain. If he didn't break up, he buys me beer for being such a woman. If he did break up, he still buys me beer to prevent him from crying like a woman. Plus his woman is kinda kinky.....scraps of the table for me.

Gotta go now. Blog again when i recover from the impending alcohol.

p.s: i will try and refrain from using the words woman/female/bitch/etc in the context of weak, confused, dumb stupid, gay (yaani homosexual sio happy), weepy, pathetic, fool, rotten, shaky, sluggish, needy, naggy, whiny, spineless, wimpy, gutless, indecisive, insecure....etc. Women are God's most loveliest, prettiest, mostestestestes adorable gift to men, and should not be referred to is such a manner.

p.p.s: God can be such an arse.

p.p.p.s: I take that last part back (from Women are God's most blah blah). They are evil, dim, flabby after 1 kid, wishy-washy, malicious, spiteful, lewd little jealous creatures.

Thursday, 7 February 2008

I'm back....I think!!!

After a long lack-lustre year and an absence of close to 5 months, i've decided to try this thing once more. It's harder than i thought, putting words to thought.....more so when those thoughts aren't very pleasant.

What's been going on.......well:
  • Broke up with my girlfriend of three years. Weight of my shoulders. Wasn't going too well.
  • Travelled to Tanzania (nawapenda wabongo), South Africa (someone needs to tell the blacks down there to style up.....the boers n indians are friendlier people) and India (lovely people....totally unlike the Kenyan indian who is well...). Might put up pics of the three someday. Came to realise how far behind we were in terms of infrastructure (even dar es salaam has better city planning than nairobi) but way ahead of all the rest in the hospitality and education issues (at least we were until we were forced to choose between the Demon Raila and Demon Kibaki.......Tanzanians must be gloating totally right now).
  • Been drinking heavily...........can't blame anyone for that. Need to get a hobby. Maybe i'll become more serious with this blog (...someday. for now, i can't wait for keshoz pints).
  • I'm finally eligible for leave, which i promptly took for 4 days....ended up drinking daily for two weeks.
  • Looking for a female replacement. Shit is hard outside of school. All i'm coming across be underage energized babies, or older harlots with babies (father's not known) in tow.
  • Got a whore (lady of the night/loose woman/lady of questionable morals/add personal defination here______) to cook for cool is that!! Atleast i still got game....and all for bus fare and a meal for her....BABY (why are there so many of those little things running around anyway??) Bummer be that she keeps calling now saying "i miss you" (...WTF??...of course this is quite an ego booster considering that the norm is dudes go seeking an easy lay.....easy lays hardly ever seek the dudes).
  • Joined a dating site (been a member of for ages, but that's just to find out where the freaks of nairobi are....and ofcourse check out nude kenyan pics. Kaz got nothing on these honeyz). Got a hit today.....she's online right now.....wants to chat......she doesn't have a pic.......lives in embu....not happening!!
  • Mashada shut down. Very cool. Was getting out of hand. What's with all the hate anyway?? Kenya now reminds me of my set book.....Visiki. "Walituchochea"!!! Muthafucker don't u have a brain of your own?
  • N finally, (for now anyway), i still hold no specific emotions towards God (his kid yeah i feel him). This last comment is a product of numerous spam asking me to attend prayer meetings, praise and worship, blah blah blah. None of this having the most awesome miracle of turning water into wine. Nope...all the buggers serve is water....if u lucky, u get a biscuit ( there there, nice praying. here's a snack. Now empty your wallet into the collection tin....Woof Woof!!!).
Let me go and be productive.

P.S: It's rained in January and February in Nairobi.....The end of days is near!!