Friday, 11 July 2008

Alcohol, my one true love

I love alcohol. I really do. I have given up a lot of things just so I could peacefully enjoy my tipple. In fact my friends say I am effed up coz I have on several occasions turned down 'Meaoow' so I could continue drinking. Is that wrong? Really, Is it wrong for me to love alcohol that much? Other people love football, others love cars and so on ad infinitum, me its alcohol. There was a time when I was ashamed about it, but not anymore. I am proud of my love for alcohol. My best times have been when I have had intercourse with my alcohol (yes, I said intercourse, WTF?)

p.s: D.D is laughing coz I said I was in love. Can't begrudge him that. It is funny. Truth be told, I am not. Its just one of those things I am liable to saying after I have had my above-mentioned intercourse. Apart from that, I have been receiving a lot of pressure from D.D about the woman in question. He's been telling me I am cruel to her, blah blah blah, ad nauseum! So partly, I said that coz I wanted to get the bugger off my case! Apparently it didnt work! Damn!

Anywho, here is the thing, I decided this, I will never make a conscious effort to love a woman, or anything else for that matter. I will let instict be my guide, anyone who has a problem with that can go sing to the pigs.
Another thing, I will not act the same as other people, trying to prove my undying devotion. Fuck it! Life is too important to live it imitating other people!

Its furahi day baby! Bring on the alcohol!!!

Ramble Ramble

I was strolling along the internet highway and landed here....must say, that this is a really cool place...I read many other peoples blogs, but somehow, all these guys are always clean in their prose. Seriously, how does someone live their life without thinking the word "shit", "crap", damn....even "doo doo" will do. I find real (ish) blogs, but there's always something missing. A dude can't say "my chick left me for another man" (okay, yes he can....when talking to his mother or something, but this is his own space....let it out) "fuckin biatch left my broke arse for the rich dude down the road" or something. But then, maybe i'm dysfunctional or something, n can't understand how someone expresses regretor anger with a straight face.

Anyway, to all the great bloggers out there who be real...keep real. Bugger is, most stopped blogging. A really irritating thing is to come across a really hot blog, only to find that it hasn't been updated in like 6 months or so....i was one of them (so maybe there's someone out there who stumbled across my crap and went @#$@%@#!!).

Based on the above, i wanna form a new hobby....finding dead blogs, and adding them to my blog roll n hope that one day they shall resurrect.

In other news, NewElijah said that he's in love. That still cracks me up. Alcohol is a helluva drug. Pinted mpaka like 1am before going for a hoe-run last night...only two hoes spotted in Westlands. K-street was totally clear. this Nairobi is turning into a police smoking, no hoes, no nuthing...n i hear there's some screwed MP playing around with alcohol laws. What the hell do this old geezers want us to do?? Sit around at home and make babies?? planning being shoved down our throats as well. I love my country, but never again shall any president have me swear my allegience to them...pack of swine!

Let me jet before i punch my comp!

p.s: Stupid female arguments: "African men can't handle a 'strong', 'educated' african woman...which is why we prefer white men".......while some truth is to be found in the 'can't handle bit', it's more that the woman has picked up so much white trash mentality that we don't want u no more....get yourself some white are fortunately hardly ever missed by the timid african men.

p.p.s: Still laughing but NewElijah being in love.

p.p.p.s: Blog 1 that should be resurrected is "Ruminations of Angie". Sexy blogger with a very real blog. Died in infancy though. Again, please pick up the keyboard and gimme more.

Furahi Day Baby!!!

Thursday, 10 July 2008

From the woodwork

...this roach does crawl, and proud to say:
I'm Still Here!!

Missed this place....I would like to say writer's-block, but the truth is that putting shit down still freaks me out. But today...Fuck!! Can't seem to construct a single clear thought in my head.

Oh, Facebook says i'm a genius, which is kinda cool. But then that also means that i'm an under achiever....but hey, i'm still on the "certifiably genius" bit. Shall meet Einstein in Geek Heaven or some shit like that.

Onto something serious....Fuel in Kenya. Noticed how we've lost the last 'cent' on the pumps? What i mean is that all pump displays have a five character entry system, yaani 9 9 . 8 9 (five characters including the point). So, ideally, fuel could be priced from 99.80, 99.81, 99.82, 99.83....99.89. Hope you following my drift.
At current fuel prices of over ksh100, the same five character system is still being used... 100.8 yaani 1 0 0 . 8 (again, five characters including the point). What does this imply.....if the fuel company has done their costing and come up with a price of ksh100.82, they can only put in five characters......ksh100.8 But that's just it. By losing the last cent, and fuel companies being like banks (greedy as sin!!), they don't truncate, but round up....always up. Ksh100.82 becomes Ksh100.9. Each individual who fuels up at the station gives and extra 8 cents per litre (coz the company shall be damned if they lost 2 cents per litre). If the company has a smart accountant, he can do all the costings and returns at Ksh100.82 and pocket the extra 8 cents.
What is 8 cents u ask? I drive averagely, yet consume about 40 litres per week each month, so that's 8*40*4 = 1280cents or 12.8sh. If the station has a regular clientel of about 100cars per day (which is low), thats bout 3000 cars per month, so ksh12.8*3000 = Ksh38,400 per month, per service station...that can be adequately hidden in the books....a guy can make an easy kill from just five stations.
Oh, the missus works for an oil company, but what the hey...i love the controversy.

Facebook.....what's with that site....had totally dismissed it, but now i'm kiasi hooked. It's brought back alot of memories coz of meeting guys that i haven't seen in ages...some since primary (gotta say, some of these primo mamas have now ivad...n some of the ones i nyemelad are kinda just kawa).

Cellspin is a software that i had installed on my Nokia E90 (yawa!!) but it kept having glitches, as is evidenced by the trial posts below...i shall leave them there to remind me to keep trying to engage the mobile software thing.

Oh, i'm typing all this nonsense n my boss is right next to me....he's doing the's a slow day like that.

Anywhoo, gotta jet now (n edit this post so that it looks neat)

p.s: I've just realised that i got me an afro coz somehow i have developed a morbid fear of barbers...especially since my last experience where i was charged ksh200 for someone to try play surgeon with my scalp. The horror. The experience before that was just as bad, but that was a ksh50 bob barber, so no hard feelings for him...i need to find me a good hair dresser....or i could just knock back afew tots viceroybefore i approach one.

p.p.s: haven't seen my housemate in quite abit coz of different work schedules and i've been spending quite alot of time with my gal.

p.p.p.s: i love my gal!

p.p.p.p.s: Tempted to rant about the cigarette ban implemented by my ex-aunt-in-law-twice removed, but shall do that anutha day.

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Screeching Symphony

The sirens' song holds me in its grip; drawing me ever closer and closer to my demise upon the rocks of insignificant living. How i let my ship get here i don't know... i lie... i do know... denial... forever telling myself that i have lots of time to set shit correct and that for now i can playfully wallow in all vices that God sent Diablo to lay before us... like a banquet of all things we all love, but should never touch coz to do so is sinful.... shit... bugger up there should elaborate what sinful is coz the only sinful i have been able to identify is that which has now lead me to face the rocks....and now the currents of life threaten, nay; promise to smash me against them... human to blame God for our own fuck-ups... so i scratch that last sentence (but then again, i'm human, so i don't scratch that last sentence).

That music. So sweet. Bathing my body in pleasures had and promised. It makes my eyes blurry. I can hardly see the rocks any more but i know they're there. I know they've been waiting for me for a long time now. Surprised it's taken me this long to encounter them....must be my sloth - kept me from succeeding, and in the same breath, kept me from failing.

Until now.

It's only a matter of time. Like the Merovingian would say - Causality!

What the hell happened to faith.

A different tune does play. I hear it. I feel it. I want it. I love it. I wish it weren't so faint. I know it's her's ...but do i really know her to turn away from the siren's call?
Do i really know the sirens?
Do i know myself?

Fuck it!!
Clear Eyes; Full Hearts; Can't Lose

I will turn my ship around and go to her, failing which i will put air in my sails and navigate through the rocks n kill those fucking birds!! Either way,
I will Touch God!!

p.s: I wish i truly knew what the hell it was i was writing about above.

p.p.s: I have been away too long....n i honestly have no reason for why that is....okay, part of the reason is what's written above if you can decipher any of it. If not, don't one really cares.

p.p.p.s: I raise my middle finger at you!!

Wednesday, 19 March 2008


He woke up, sharp, standing tall, ready for whatever the day would bring.

He woke up, as always ahead of his master, wanting to get a grand start to the day, but there was nothing he could do about it for now because his master had surprised everyone the night before by drinking a full bottle of Viceroy.

A slight scent of synthetic rubber hung over his skin and the ache in his head brought back the memories. Truly, he had served his master well last night. Even through the haze of alcohol, miraa and nicotine, he had done his job correct, and for that, he felt proud of himself and proud to be joined to such a master as his.

That's when he felt IT stir.

Crap. He couldn't believe his eye. Could it be? No. His master was honest and true. It couldn't be IT! The memory of the night before slowly drew itself fully, with him drifting off to sleep shortly before his master, and...........


His master had tricked him. His master had promised to get rid of IT once he had done his job. He'd done his job. He'd held up his part of the agreement, why couldn't his master hold, up to his end, the drunk fuck!!

IT stirred again!


"Please master wake up. I promise I'll never lead you astray again master. Please."

But master couldn't hear. Master was too drunk to hear him. Master didn't care bout him.

IT stirred!

"Master please wake up"

IT stirred and now let out a low moan.


IT stirred and spotted him. He tried to recede within himself, but the adrenaline had his blood coursing through his veins harder and harder forcing his neck to stretch further forth and his head to swell till he thought he'd pop.

Damn, IT was hideous in the light. IT was horrifying, yet sadistically captivating, akin to looking upon the face of Medusa. But this was not the Medusa. No! IT was far far worse, for IT was:

A gnarled hand reached forth and grabbed him by the neck. The Mav slowly bent forth whilst smacking her cigarette charred lips within hideously large jaws whose only purpose was to drain the life from him...render him comatose.

"I see you missed me!"

That smile. Malevolent and full of mischief. He tried to turn away from that smile but he couldn't. The Mav brought that smile closer and closer. Fear and adrenaline surged through him. A low cackling laughter came from between her lips as her rugged fist strangled him further. The smile changed into a sneer, and then The Mav opened her lips. With one last breath he screamed for his master, but his cries were snuffed out as The Mav engulfed his head between her jaws.





The systematic shifting of light and dark coupled with the pressure around his neck made him feel dizzy. His fear of the dark grew with every moment. He was losing his mind. His head was gonna explode.

"Not in here you don't. Time to take you cave exploring. Hahahahaha"

'Evil beast. How did his master ever come across this fiendish creature. It was all that arsehole's fault! Daddy D. It was D.D. who said that it was good. It was D.D. who liquored up my master to the point that he no longer listened to me, only to D.D. I'll kill that D.D. someday. Then I'll take out Master, for master is weak. Master does not deserve me!'

In his monologue, he had failed to notice that The Mav had stirred again, shifted positions, but that gnarled hand never let go of his throat. That's when his eye saw it. The Holy Forest. Within it lay the Cave of Wonders. But this cave had been robbed many times before by those such as he; and pilferage by the very hand that choked him now made it a massive hallway.

His latex. He couldn't smell it on him.


The cave came closer.

"Master! My hat!!"

But master couldn't hear him!

Darkness engulfed his head. The pressure around his neck eased as the hand let go and urged him forth. Hot, wet heat surrounded his entire body. Raw, soft flesh clung to his skin causing an eerie sensation.

'It not meant to be like this!'

The Mav cackled in perverse pleasure.

'Is this how I'm to go out? Is this how it's to end?'

Growing fear and confusion. Lost. The pressure in his cranium growing and growing.

The Mav cackled again.

Master woke. Master buckled and screamed aghast at the sight before him. Master realized that he only felt pure, unadulterated pleasure!

'It's too late my master. You've let me down!'

His head exploded within the cave.

p.s: this tale was told by G. (a single line mention on how his morning hard-on was exploited by this female without the requisite rubber equipment -ain't alcohol grand!!) and remixed totally for 'taming the devil' by your's truly Daddy D.

p.p.s: Little brother is safely down in Malaysia. all the best to him. I miss the prick.

Thursday, 13 March 2008

Dark travels faster than the speed of light.

I have lost it. Vitriol. I have none in me anymore.
It's what drove me through every freaking day of my inconsequential existence on this wasteland called earth.
It's what helped me wake up thinking to myself "how do we fuck the world today". I don't wanna wake up anymore, nor do i wanna fuck anything.
It's what made me shower, coz i hated the smell of sweat. Could care less now.
It's what made me good at my job coz i hated the way things were being done around here. Fuckers can bathe in acid coz i don't give a shit.
It's what made me hate over indulgence in alcohol coz i hated being drunk; i hated drunks; n i looked upon drunk females as spittle.......can't wait to be drunk nowadays. At least that way i something to hate in the morning - myself.
It's what made me seek answers to questions and things that i didn't understand coz i hated being ignorant. Now i am like many....spewing 'knowlegable' filth in discussions i know nothing about.
It's what made me dislike but fear God for i object to many of his methods. I'm afraid for myself, coz i'm losing my dislike and in the process, my fear of Him and this is not a place that i want to be coz i know that i probably cannot ever truly love him (not inclined to try either) and if i lose my fear of Him, then He'll mean nothing. After all these years of arguing with Him, i pray that it would somehow count for something.....nothing means that i wasted years of my life seeking Him out when i should have been with the rest of my high school mates chasing after tail.

“He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave.”
Andrew Carnegie

I cannot reason anymore. It's all futile.
I will not reason anymore. It's aggravating to do so.
I dare not reason anymore. I may find the reason behind my reason for not reasoning. And it shall be in a very very black place within.

Is this living or existing?! Fucking rhetorical question should anyone deem answering it. I need not your advice. Nor your prayers. Nor your freaking sympathy. I give it to no man; i expect none in return!

I do love though. Her's is the only time that i feel at rest. At peace with myself and with this blackness that surrounds me.
But can love replace the vitriol that has driven me forward for the past 26years. I think not....nay, I'm afraid of finding out. It would mean starting all over with an outlook anew - a child discovering the world for the first time, but without anyone to catch me should i fall. I do confess, I lack the courage to do so. I'm weak; pathetic like that shitty piece of chewing gum stuck on your sole whose purpose it to be spread thin on rough concrete as you try and get it off.

Fuck it....I'm hungry!!

p.s: My little brother leaves next week for further IT studies in Malaysia. Probably vanish like my sister did. Bummer. Make him drunk for old times sake kesho.

p.p.s: This is the current me:
"Thinking is what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.”
William James

Friday, 7 March 2008


Yesternight I had another confrontation with the devil (or is it God trying to talk to me?). Anyway, so I go to bed and light my mosquito coil (we got manic, psychotic mosquitos at our place!) and get into bed. A few minutes later, barely 6minutes by the way because i had turned on some music on my phone and two songs had barely played, I hear someone whispering. I wake up with a start! I tell myself that the mosquito coil is what is causing me to hallucinate (though I have used it several times before without having the same effect), I get up, put it off and go back to bed. It turns out that it wasn't the coil, because throughout the night, the whisperings continue. I toss turn and the whisperings continue. I couldn't hear what was being whispered, either because it wasn't clear or because I was too scared to listen. Will someone please tell me what is happening??????

PS: On the night of the first encounter with 'the devil' (see blog with the same title), I had noticed there were no mosquitos as I got into bed. Last night, as I got into bed, I also noticed that there were no mosquitos (I lit the coil as a precaution). Could there actually be something going on here???HELP!

Friday, 29 February 2008


I just loaded a bamba 50 on my very expensive phone that is used to the likes of 250 to 800 Ksh top ups. I swear it almost laughed at me. Actually took 4 tries before it loaded. I'm guessing it's totally offended. Brokeness i tell u. Lakini furahi day lazima ibambe, au sio!!

Moving on swiftly, i had absolutely nothing to say today, and as is evidenced, i haven't said anything all week. Not from the fact that nothing has been going on, just that i don't know how to say it. Basically revolves what weakens all men... a girl!! Tell u, these creatures shall be the end of all mankind. Really weird considering my age. Dare i say it, i may have met my soul mate (the back ground noise u be hearing right about now is just New Elijah laughing. Ignore it).

Jana was a cool nite (not as cool as wednesday which was spent in her arms mainly). Went drinking (politely. no binge) n shooting pool. Intention was to be home by 9pm. that turned into 10..11..12..01..02..03..04am. Crap. Running on 2.5hrs rest. Hangover was a bitch. Somehow no one at work has noticed that i'm not all there. But then again, we haven't had a single sale all day. That 8% that Kimunya is promising, i await to see.

feeling very disillusioned bout my life right now. Only bright thing going on is being around her. I'm sooo smitten it's disgusting.

But the day isn't a total loss. I came across this really cool blog. Totally jazzed me. Thank God (this phrase is so overused, i doubt it's a sin any more, coz if i was God, yenyewe i'd have gotten tired of reminding people not to use my name in vain a long time ago) i don't have a housemate like that (or do i?? mayhap New Elijah can shed some light on that). This essay is also really cool (read it at your own peril. not very christian friendly) n this chick does some of the longest posts i have ever read.....n they ain't boring. Mad props to her.

Let me be outta here before the screen hurts my bloodshot eyes any longer.

Happy new March everyone.

p.s. : I shall finish "a series of unfortunate drunken events" eventually.

p.p.s. : To all whom i may have blessed, it was a pleasure. To all whom i may have offended, i beg pardon. To all arseholes i may have met, may you rot. Needed to say this should my life be snuffed out unexpectedly by Him.....or should i snuff it out myself (i'd still blame Him somehow for that, coz i'm almost certain that He'd be the root cause).

p.p.p.s. : I'm not suicidal..........yet.

Monday, 25 February 2008

The Devil

He is after me! I swear the devil is after me!

Friday morning, I had what is called sleep paralysis. That feeling that someone is pressing you down. You try to raise yourself but you can't. Only difference is that this time round, I saw a figure sitting on me. It was damn scary!Shit! I consulted my friends who have at one time experienced sleep paralysis, none of them has ever seen a figure sitting on them! I couldn't see the figures face coz I was lying on my side. Perhaps it was for my own good I didn't see its face, because I don't know what I would have done if I had stared into the devil's face!

Monday morning, I wake up to strange noises, Diablo's siren like alarm, coupled with the meowing of like a thousand cats (the freaky kind of meow- you know, the kind that sounds like it's a child crying)! I am totaly freaked out. In my head, as I slept, there were images of dead people, demons and all those other freaky stuff!

To add on, of late, everytime I go to bed and close my eyes, I see images of tortured souls and other marshed up images.

I swear the devil is after me. Where do I run, what do I do? Heeeeeeellllp!

PS: My tortures aside, Diablo is in 'love'. I put it in quotes deliberately because he is actually at the infatuation stage. He is all giggly, all smiley face, damn mentions her name like a hundred times a day (and each mention is accompanied by a swoon and dreamy eyes). I am happy for him. But I am even happier to realize that the a-hole who has been calling me a bitch and trash-talking about me being all marshy inside is just the same as me if not softer!!!hahahahahaha! And guys called Freud a fraud when he talked about projection!!!Ha!

PPS:I need to quit drinking. I got lost on Friday night after a heavy drinking binge. Got a lift in some guys car up to a point where I could successfully get home. I am touched that even with the world having gone to the dogs, there are still some good people left in the world, coz I truly don't know many people who would offer a lift to a drunk stranger! But I think that was a sign that its about time i quit doing such heavy drinking. He could have been a psycho who picks up drunk men, rapes them and then torturously dismembers them!!
But then again, maybe it is a sign that drinking is ok coz the guy was high and he actually confessed that he only gave me a lift coz he was high!!

Friday, 22 February 2008

'Tis the Weekend Baby

Been a cool and crazy 8 days since i last was able to post (though liquor and other extra curricular activities have certainly cut into my internet time).

Had big plans for this weekend. Unfortunately they were never meant to be. Taking the old lady to shagz kesho, return sunday. So i can basically scratch the next 48hrs hanging out with my Feb 14th date (going really well so far. It's part of the 'Unfortunate drunken events' tale so i shall eventually talk bout her).

Mashada is back on line. Bummer. Was hoping that it would stay shut down for a few more weeks or so. That was/is one nasty site. Or is it the people ( in the mind of "guns don't kill people....people kill people"). On that note, I had started a post tuesday, that i couldn't publish coz right now, and all through i shall not do any posts tribal "negative ethnicity" (we live in a politically incorrect world) bull crap on this blog., but the long and short of it was that some customer wanted me to gang up with him against the store keeper in a discussion the two were having for the mere fact that i was of the "house of mumbi".

Let me go start my very sad weekend. Maybe i'll post from shags, if Safaricom GPRS goes that far.

p.s. :Invited another bugger to this blog, but he tends to be very limited in the english/swahili languages. Much the time i have no idea what the bugger is saying, so u'll forgive him should he decide to grace these pages that are "taming the devils" in us.

Thursday, 14 February 2008


i. Lithium: third element of the periodic table. A silvery soft alkali metal.
ii. Lithium: lithium salts are used in the treatment of mental disorders such as bipolar disorder.
iii. Lithium: heavenly track by Nirvana, off the album Nevermind.

Was meant to blog this morning, but what the the hey!!

Been working on my patent dream. Fossil lubricant alternatives......last sample i worked on survived 3hrs in the oven at 120C before denaturing. Totally cool. Best i've ever gotten was 90Cfor 1.5hrs. Used a lithium base this time round.....used it before, but somehow this time was different. Anywhoo, had run out of the stuff. Shipment came in jana.....badly denting my pocket (private project....the company don't really care for my extra curricular activities). Might have to back off for sometime to get reserves to do medium batch production...real excited.

That's it for the day.

p.s. :got me a casual date leo. so cool.

p.p.s. : Hypocrisy is Kenyan Church Leaders making the following statement "Church leaders have displayed partisan values in situations that called for national interest. The church has remained disunited and its voice swallowed in the cacophony of vested interests". The following up that statement with "the crisis has evposed weaknesses in the national leadership", and then going further to that they indicted the last Parliament for unsatisfactory performance and its "collective selfishness and greed". Oh Jesus, who will lead us to u?? coz it aint these pricks!!

Wednesday, 13 February 2008

A series of fortunate drunken events........part 2

Previously on "A series of fortunate drunken events":

  • daddy diablo, B n Black travelled safely to their graduation ceremony preparations in a town far far away.
  • on the fourth day of their drinking binge, they meet up with a fellow drunk know to all as triple H.
  • triple H attracts a female he does not want to hang out with due to an assumed fallout months before.
  • daddy diablo hastily moves in and begins to devour triple H's delicious droppings.
  • unfortunately for daddy diablo, all he gets are digits but he soldiers on unperturbed.
And now, "A series of unfortunate drunken events" continues.

December 6

Yesterday, we somehow managed to get gowns......courtesy of B. flirting with the dean's secretary (forties and misshapen and i think she lives on a farm coz she kinda has a slight smell of dung does he do it? gotta ask him someday). Headed immediately back to the pub before B. went any further with the secretary (i think he's got some kind of fetish or something). Ditch campus and head back to town for a drink or two...or three....or four....or five....losing count.

Midnight fast approaches. Parents call to tell me that they are safely in their hotel. 'Are you excited?' "Yes mother." 'My car ok?' "Yes mother." 'Are you drinking?' crap. "Yes mother." i so hate lying to her 'Don't overdo it. You graduate in the morning.' "Yes mother." 'Good nite.' "Gnite mother." Damn, i need a drink.

She calls. Heart racing. I answer, trying to keep my slurring to a minimum. She's coming over in twenty. Cool. Enough time to ditch triple H.

D.D. : We change pubs. I hear guys are on the other side of town.
triple H (very wasted): Akina nani?
D.D. : Wasee kibao!
triple H : Sawa.
D.D. : B., we'll be right back. Need to dump abit of trash.
B. : Safi
triple H : B., haukuji?
B. : Zi, nikosafi as-hapa.
triple H : Poa.

Swiftly leave the club. Times running out. triple H is already dozing off in the car. Get to pub on the opposite side of town. Find some guy that i really don't like pinting huko. We sit. I order a round.....mbili mbili. "Need to pee". Slide out of the pub and dash back to prior club. 17 min operation. Like i said, i'm goooood.

B. got someone. Forget her name in 5 seconds eyes on only one woman tonite. tick, tock, tick, she's here!!! "Drink?" 'Yes pliz. but i cant stay.'


Blah, blah, blah (this word is used coz triple H's name came up one too many times in conversation. Thankfully, tusker makes everything interesting).

3 am. 'I gotta go. Travelling to bundus in the morning.' like i care "Just one more drink?!" 'No, i really need to go.' tusker is really sweet....time to ditch your lovely as it is "Ok, let me drop you".

Out the joint. 5 min ride to her crib. Peck on the cheek. 'Tell triple H to call me'


to be continued

p.s. : Got lithium today. to be kesho mornings post.

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

A series of fortunate drunken events........part 1

(do i really wanna do this?? don't hate me if i don't finish it. shall just let my fingers type for now, see if any storyline develops.)

December 2006!!

Graduation is here. Totally awesome. 5 years of scraping through the system can officially be closed by a week of binging. But first things first, i gotta travel the 330 klicks in style, i.e. i need me a off to my one true love to ask. Mummy. Guess that's why the catholics pray to the Virgin - u shan't be denied!! (i could go off on a tangent here and speak of what the Father would probably say, just like my father would probably say...and it ain't in the lines off "go ask your mother"... more like "rot in Hades you insolent bug" , but i won't!!)

Road Trip baby. Now all i need me be some road hogs. Holla at my boy B. Holla at my brother from another mother Black! (forgive the line.....just sooo always wanted to use it). Bummer is that Black don't drink, but B surely does (did he break up with his woman, u ask? watch this space for updates). Got me lots of cash. Time to hit the road.

The week flew by swiftly....but that's probably because i was in a drunken stupor much of the time, so i don't remember much of what was happening, just the sexy sweet taste of tusker running down my throat.

On the fourth day, it happened. Not the second coming, but close enuff..... She walked in. 5' 8", killer arse, petite perky breasts, dark skin. Heavenly. The fool i was sitted with (triple H) started shuffling and looking like a weasel might while breaking it's virginity.

D.D. : Like was up??
triple H: Don't want that mama to find me.
D.D. (for the life of me, i couldn't figure out the choice between lovely female and beer so ofcourse) : Why??
triple H: I ditched her when we cleared campo.
D.D. (music to my ears. truth be told, i'm a nasty scavenger. plus, i don't question any dude on why he'd ditch a fly in point, my hero Eric Bennet) : just act like u haven't seen her.

Of course at this point, i lean back, pretending to be trying to grab the waitresses' attention, all the while giving her clear view of triple H. The inevitable happens (evil grin on my face)....she comes over. Introductions are made. B. knowing what i was up to gets her a chair. A quiet argument between the two ensues. triple H moves away to the bathroom (briefly, but more than enuf time for me to work. alcohol is quite a wonder drug). She got a frown on her face. Cool. Make her smile. We talk. triple H is back. Frown returns. Even cooler. He goes to get a drink, meets a buddy of his....lot's of time. Smile and giggles returns under my well calculated statements and flattery and "i totally understand comments" (get's them all the time). Time flies. She notices triple H trying to sneak out the door. Follows Him. Nuts for me....back to tusker. She returns alone...i'm goooood!!!!

"I need to go lala". I sooo hate that phrase. But is all good. Drop her to her crib. Hugs (no kisses). Phone number..."Holla". Back to the pub. A job well done!

to be continued.....i swear.

p.s. : In my very first blog post ever, i said "Anyway, shall use this blog to do my rants, give my one-sided view of the world around me, curse, praise n piss on what i want, when i want and just generally release the demons within me!!". Now, NewElijah seems to have forgotten this bit, but like i earlier noted, he's currently feminised. I didn't know how bad it was till i read his post, but anyway, u can clearly see what i mean.

p.p.s: i'm almost certain this is the start of a "blog contributor war" so to speak. hehehe. so cool.

p.p.p.s: NewElijah (aka heathen) saying "God is by my side". Go figure.

p.p.p.p.s: Just justified this post. Never done that before. Just thought i'd share.

Another Rebuttal

So I am also back into this blogging thing. Its been a while and alot has happened in that time.

But first, I rebutt DDs statement that I am a 'woman' for saying that The Matrix was overrated. I still hold that it is overrated. But that is my view, it doesnt have to agree with DD's views or the views of others who have seen the movie. It is like a poem, the poet has his views about the poem and every person has his/her views about the poem. Some peoples views are the similar and others' (like mine and DD's) are different. Sorry DD if my comments hurt, (that is for both The Matrix and Mad Max) but that is just the way it is, we can not always hold the same views!

Moving on swiftly (what a terrible and overused statemet), the alcohol. Yes, it is time to cut down on it. I have suffered too many blackouts, had too many crappy mornings and experienced too many dizzy spells to keep up with this! DD, we need to get serious with this.

One last thing and this is personal. I recently got informed that I am going to be laid off due to the chaos (like DD, I too would do terrible things to those 2 a-holes for doing this). It shocked me out of my comfort zone. I am beginning to realise, just how much time and life I have wasted. I have not lived, I have existed, survived, gone through life in a stupor, a spectator in my own life. Its time I started living. It will make some people angry, some people will hate me because they will say I let them down, some people will insult me to high heaven, I will suffer a lot, but I will not let the fear overwhelm me, not anymore. God is by my side.

PS: Yea, I know this is all mushy mushy, but fuck it, this is my shit.
And DD, I disagree with you-again-women are lovely creatures of God, whose intelligence, just like men, varies from one individual to the other! Though more driven by emotion (whether this is a good or bad thing depends on the individual!)

Monday, 11 February 2008

Crap! I Can't Type!!

Had started this post different and two paragraphs into it, i realised that i wasn't really saying much (nothing new there. i never say anything of consequence). Drank too much this weekend. Way, way, way too much. NewElijah concurs with me that we gotta slow down on this crap. Shall try again this afternoon, coz i got me a good story.....just can't seem to be able to tell it right now. Maybe make it into a series (never completed my last attempted series, but for sure, ima finish this one). Until later!!

p.s: (!!! it's easier to secure a good seat in hell than a bad seat in heaven !!! - heard something similar, remixed it to my own standard, ergo a D.D. original)

Friday, 8 February 2008

Furahi Day!!

Before i start (on what, i am yet to figure out), i would like to point out that someone last night said that THE MATRIX was overrated. A fork through your eye, coz it seems that you don't know a good movie even when it hits you up your balls. And for a whole male (...i exempt all women from sci-fi flicks coz i understand that they take alot of brain power to follow and sit through without giving her a chance to banter about shoes and stuff...also, all sci-fi movies that may have a foreign language scene employ subtitles which defeat women coz they hate reading on tv so cheap mexican translators have to be employed for their favourite choice of programming). Anyway, i'll get you some panty hose my male friend for saying that THE MATRIX was overrated.

Today is drinking day (drank yesterday, but just abit, so that don't count). I don't have to work tomorrow (raila/kibaki, should i ever come across u and i got me a gun, ima shuut u azzes......not sure if the last part is treasonous, but muthafucker don't care for his country, why shud i give a shit bout decorum). Yup, business is slow. Collected a total of 45k in p.d cheques this week from the few customers who could pay. Bummer. Anyway, the drinks will take away all the pain.

My buddy B. was tellin me (via sms) that he was gonna be breaking up with his woman last nite n would tell me bout it tnite in our club of choice "The Mad House". Anywayz, New Elijah (to be referred to only as male from now on for insulting THE MATRIX. He got a new woman by tha way. Must be the reason for his current feminisation) sez that a dude who talks bout breaking up with his woman before actually doing it is doing just that....talking. I shall wait to find out nuthing to lose, everything to gain. If he didn't break up, he buys me beer for being such a woman. If he did break up, he still buys me beer to prevent him from crying like a woman. Plus his woman is kinda kinky.....scraps of the table for me.

Gotta go now. Blog again when i recover from the impending alcohol.

p.s: i will try and refrain from using the words woman/female/bitch/etc in the context of weak, confused, dumb stupid, gay (yaani homosexual sio happy), weepy, pathetic, fool, rotten, shaky, sluggish, needy, naggy, whiny, spineless, wimpy, gutless, indecisive, insecure....etc. Women are God's most loveliest, prettiest, mostestestestes adorable gift to men, and should not be referred to is such a manner.

p.p.s: God can be such an arse.

p.p.p.s: I take that last part back (from Women are God's most blah blah). They are evil, dim, flabby after 1 kid, wishy-washy, malicious, spiteful, lewd little jealous creatures.

Thursday, 7 February 2008

I'm back....I think!!!

After a long lack-lustre year and an absence of close to 5 months, i've decided to try this thing once more. It's harder than i thought, putting words to thought.....more so when those thoughts aren't very pleasant.

What's been going on.......well:
  • Broke up with my girlfriend of three years. Weight of my shoulders. Wasn't going too well.
  • Travelled to Tanzania (nawapenda wabongo), South Africa (someone needs to tell the blacks down there to style up.....the boers n indians are friendlier people) and India (lovely people....totally unlike the Kenyan indian who is well...). Might put up pics of the three someday. Came to realise how far behind we were in terms of infrastructure (even dar es salaam has better city planning than nairobi) but way ahead of all the rest in the hospitality and education issues (at least we were until we were forced to choose between the Demon Raila and Demon Kibaki.......Tanzanians must be gloating totally right now).
  • Been drinking heavily...........can't blame anyone for that. Need to get a hobby. Maybe i'll become more serious with this blog (...someday. for now, i can't wait for keshoz pints).
  • I'm finally eligible for leave, which i promptly took for 4 days....ended up drinking daily for two weeks.
  • Looking for a female replacement. Shit is hard outside of school. All i'm coming across be underage energized babies, or older harlots with babies (father's not known) in tow.
  • Got a whore (lady of the night/loose woman/lady of questionable morals/add personal defination here______) to cook for cool is that!! Atleast i still got game....and all for bus fare and a meal for her....BABY (why are there so many of those little things running around anyway??) Bummer be that she keeps calling now saying "i miss you" (...WTF??...of course this is quite an ego booster considering that the norm is dudes go seeking an easy lay.....easy lays hardly ever seek the dudes).
  • Joined a dating site (been a member of for ages, but that's just to find out where the freaks of nairobi are....and ofcourse check out nude kenyan pics. Kaz got nothing on these honeyz). Got a hit today.....she's online right now.....wants to chat......she doesn't have a pic.......lives in embu....not happening!!
  • Mashada shut down. Very cool. Was getting out of hand. What's with all the hate anyway?? Kenya now reminds me of my set book.....Visiki. "Walituchochea"!!! Muthafucker don't u have a brain of your own?
  • N finally, (for now anyway), i still hold no specific emotions towards God (his kid yeah i feel him). This last comment is a product of numerous spam asking me to attend prayer meetings, praise and worship, blah blah blah. None of this having the most awesome miracle of turning water into wine. Nope...all the buggers serve is water....if u lucky, u get a biscuit ( there there, nice praying. here's a snack. Now empty your wallet into the collection tin....Woof Woof!!!).
Let me go and be productive.

P.S: It's rained in January and February in Nairobi.....The end of days is near!!