From the woodwork

...this roach does crawl, and proud to say:

I'm Still Here!!

Missed this place....I would like to say writer's-block, but the truth is that putting shit down still freaks me out. But today...Fuck!! Can't seem to construct a single clear thought in my head.

Oh, Facebook says i'm a genius, which is kinda cool. But then that also means that i'm an under achiever....but hey, i'm still on the "certifiably genius" bit. Shall meet Einstein in Geek Heaven or some shit like that.

Onto something serious....Fuel in Kenya. Noticed how we've lost the last 'cent' on the pumps? What i mean is that all pump displays have a five character entry system, yaani 9 9 . 8 9 (five characters including the point). So, ideally, fuel could be priced from 99.80, 99.81, 99.82, 99.83....99.89. Hope you following my drift.
At current fuel prices of over ksh100, the same five character system is still being used... 100.8 yaani 1 0 0 . 8 (again, five characters including the point). What does this imply.....if the fuel company has done their costing and come up with a price of ksh100.82, they can only put in five characters......ksh100.8 But that's just it. By losing the last cent, and fuel companies being like banks (greedy as sin!!), they don't truncate, but round up....always up. Ksh100.82 becomes Ksh100.9. Each individual who fuels up at the station gives and extra 8 cents per litre (coz the company shall be damned if they lost 2 cents per litre). If the company has a smart accountant, he can do all the costings and returns at Ksh100.82 and pocket the extra 8 cents.
What is 8 cents u ask? I drive averagely, yet consume about 40 litres per week each month, so that's 8*40*4 = 1280cents or 12.8sh. If the station has a regular clientel of about 100cars per day (which is low), thats bout 3000 cars per month, so ksh12.8*3000 = Ksh38,400 per month, per service station...that can be adequately hidden in the books....a guy can make an easy kill from just five stations.
Oh, the missus works for an oil company, but what the hey...i love the controversy.

Facebook.....what's with that site....had totally dismissed it, but now i'm kiasi hooked. It's brought back alot of memories coz of meeting guys that i haven't seen in ages...some since primary (gotta say, some of these primo mamas have now ivad...n some of the ones i nyemelad are kinda just kawa).

Cellspin is a software that i had installed on my Nokia E90 (yawa!!) but it kept having glitches, as is evidenced by the trial posts below...i shall leave them there to remind me to keep trying to engage the mobile software thing.

Oh, i'm typing all this nonsense n my boss is right next to me....he's doing the crossword...it's a slow day like that.

Anywhoo, gotta jet now (n edit this post so that it looks neat)


p.s: I've just realised that i got me an afro coz somehow i have developed a morbid fear of barbers...especially since my last experience where i was charged ksh200 for someone to try play surgeon with my scalp. The horror. The experience before that was just as bad, but that was a ksh50 bob barber, so no hard feelings for him...i need to find me a good hair dresser....or i could just knock back afew tots viceroybefore i approach one.

p.p.s: haven't seen my housemate in quite abit coz of different work schedules and i've been spending quite alot of time with my gal.

p.p.p.s: i love my gal!

p.p.p.p.s: Tempted to rant about the cigarette ban implemented by my ex-aunt-in-law-twice removed, but shall do that anutha day.

fuck cellspin

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cellspin

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Screeching Symphony

The sirens' song holds me in its grip; drawing me ever closer and closer to my demise upon the rocks of insignificant living. How i let my ship get here i don't know... i lie... i do know... denial... forever telling myself that i have lots of time to set shit correct and that for now i can playfully wallow in all vices that God sent Diablo to lay before us... like a banquet of all things we all love, but should never touch coz to do so is sinful.... shit... bugger up there should elaborate what sinful is coz the only sinful i have been able to identify is that which has now lead me to face the rocks....and now the currents of life threaten, nay; promise to smash me against them... human to blame God for our own fuck-ups... so i scratch that last sentence (but then again, i'm human, so i don't scratch that last sentence).

That music. So sweet. Bathing my body in pleasures had and promised. It makes my eyes blurry. I can hardly see the rocks any more but i know they're there. I know they've been waiting for me for a long time now. Surprised it's taken me this long to encounter them....must be my sloth - kept me from succeeding, and in the same breath, kept me from failing.

Until now.

It's only a matter of time. Like the Merovingian would say - Causality!

What the hell happened to faith.

A different tune does play. I hear it. I feel it. I want it. I love it. I wish it weren't so faint. I know it's her's ...but do i really know her to turn away from the siren's call?
Do i really know the sirens?
Do i know myself?

Fuck it!!
Clear Eyes; Full Hearts; Can't Lose

I will turn my ship around and go to her, failing which i will put air in my sails and navigate through the rocks n kill those fucking birds!! Either way,
I will Touch God!!



p.s: I wish i truly knew what the hell it was i was writing about above.

p.p.s: I have been away too long....n i honestly have no reason for why that is....okay, part of the reason is what's written above if you can decipher any of it. If not, don't worry.....no one really cares.

p.p.p.s: I raise my middle finger at you!!

Woody!!

He woke up, sharp, standing tall, ready for whatever the day would bring.

He woke up, as always ahead of his master, wanting to get a grand start to the day, but there was nothing he could do about it for now because his master had surprised everyone the night before by drinking a full bottle of Viceroy.

A slight scent of synthetic rubber hung over his skin and the ache in his head brought back the memories. Truly, he had served his master well last night. Even through the haze of alcohol, miraa and nicotine, he had done his job correct, and for that, he felt proud of himself and proud to be joined to such a master as his.

That's when he felt IT stir.

Crap. He couldn't believe his eye. Could it be? No. His master was honest and true. It couldn't be IT! The memory of the night before slowly drew itself fully, with him drifting off to sleep shortly before his master, and...........

Damn!!!

His master had tricked him. His master had promised to get rid of IT once he had done his job. He'd done his job. He'd held up his part of the agreement, why couldn't his master hold, up to his end, the drunk fuck!!

IT stirred again!

Crap.

"Please master wake up. I promise I'll never lead you astray again master. Please."

But master couldn't hear. Master was too drunk to hear him. Master didn't care bout him.

IT stirred!

"Master please wake up"

IT stirred and now let out a low moan.

"Master!!!!!!!!!"

IT stirred and spotted him. He tried to recede within himself, but the adrenaline had his blood coursing through his veins harder and harder forcing his neck to stretch further forth and his head to swell till he thought he'd pop.

Damn, IT was hideous in the light. IT was horrifying, yet sadistically captivating, akin to looking upon the face of Medusa. But this was not the Medusa. No! IT was far far worse, for IT was:

The MAV

A gnarled hand reached forth and grabbed him by the neck. The Mav slowly bent forth whilst smacking her cigarette charred lips within hideously large jaws whose only purpose was to drain the life from him...render him comatose.

"I see you missed me!"

That smile. Malevolent and full of mischief. He tried to turn away from that smile but he couldn't. The Mav brought that smile closer and closer. Fear and adrenaline surged through him. A low cackling laughter came from between her lips as her rugged fist strangled him further. The smile changed into a sneer, and then The Mav opened her lips. With one last breath he screamed for his master, but his cries were snuffed out as The Mav engulfed his head between her jaws.

Darkness.

Light.

Darkness.

Light.

The systematic shifting of light and dark coupled with the pressure around his neck made him feel dizzy. His fear of the dark grew with every moment. He was losing his mind. His head was gonna explode.

"Not in here you don't. Time to take you cave exploring. Hahahahaha"

'Evil beast. How did his master ever come across this fiendish creature. It was all that arsehole's fault! Daddy D. It was D.D. who said that it was good. It was D.D. who liquored up my master to the point that he no longer listened to me, only to D.D. I'll kill that D.D. someday. Then I'll take out Master, for master is weak. Master does not deserve me!'

In his monologue, he had failed to notice that The Mav had stirred again, shifted positions, but that gnarled hand never let go of his throat. That's when his eye saw it. The Holy Forest. Within it lay the Cave of Wonders. But this cave had been robbed many times before by those such as he; and pilferage by the very hand that choked him now made it a massive hallway.

His latex. He couldn't smell it on him.

"Master!!!!!"

The cave came closer.

"Master! My hat!!"

But master couldn't hear him!

Darkness engulfed his head. The pressure around his neck eased as the hand let go and urged him forth. Hot, wet heat surrounded his entire body. Raw, soft flesh clung to his skin causing an eerie sensation.

'It not meant to be like this!'

The Mav cackled in perverse pleasure.

'Is this how I'm to go out? Is this how it's to end?'

Growing fear and confusion. Lost. The pressure in his cranium growing and growing.

The Mav cackled again.

Master woke. Master buckled and screamed aghast at the sight before him. Master realized that he only felt pure, unadulterated pleasure!

'It's too late my master. You've let me down!'

His head exploded within the cave.

p.s: this tale was told by G. (a single line mention on how his morning hard-on was exploited by this female without the requisite rubber equipment -ain't alcohol grand!!) and remixed totally for 'taming the devil' by your's truly Daddy D.


p.p.s: Little brother is safely down in Malaysia. all the best to him. I miss the prick.

Dark travels faster than the speed of light.

I have lost it. Vitriol. I have none in me anymore.
It's what drove me through every freaking day of my inconsequential existence on this wasteland called earth.
It's what helped me wake up thinking to myself "how do we fuck the world today". I don't wanna wake up anymore, nor do i wanna fuck anything.
It's what made me shower, coz i hated the smell of sweat. Could care less now.
It's what made me good at my job coz i hated the way things were being done around here. Fuckers can bathe in acid coz i don't give a shit.
It's what made me hate over indulgence in alcohol coz i hated being drunk; i hated drunks; n i looked upon drunk females as spittle.......can't wait to be drunk nowadays. At least that way i something to hate in the morning - myself.
It's what made me seek answers to questions and things that i didn't understand coz i hated being ignorant. Now i am like many....spewing 'knowlegable' filth in discussions i know nothing about.
It's what made me dislike but fear God for i object to many of his methods. I'm afraid for myself, coz i'm losing my dislike and in the process, my fear of Him and this is not a place that i want to be coz i know that i probably cannot ever truly love him (not inclined to try either) and if i lose my fear of Him, then He'll mean nothing. After all these years of arguing with Him, i pray that it would somehow count for something.....nothing means that i wasted years of my life seeking Him out when i should have been with the rest of my high school mates chasing after tail.

“He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave.”
Andrew Carnegie

I cannot reason anymore. It's all futile.
I will not reason anymore. It's aggravating to do so.
I dare not reason anymore. I may find the reason behind my reason for not reasoning. And it shall be in a very very black place within.

Is this living or existing?! Fucking rhetorical question should anyone deem answering it. I need not your advice. Nor your prayers. Nor your freaking sympathy. I give it to no man; i expect none in return!

I do love though. Her's is the only time that i feel at rest. At peace with myself and with this blackness that surrounds me.
But can love replace the vitriol that has driven me forward for the past 26years. I think not....nay, I'm afraid of finding out. It would mean starting all over with an outlook anew - a child discovering the world for the first time, but without anyone to catch me should i fall. I do confess, I lack the courage to do so. I'm weak; pathetic like that shitty piece of chewing gum stuck on your sole whose purpose it to be spread thin on rough concrete as you try and get it off.

Fuck it....I'm hungry!!

p.s: My little brother leaves next week for further IT studies in Malaysia. Probably vanish like my sister did. Bummer. Make him drunk for old times sake kesho.

p.p.s: This is the current me:

"Thinking is what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.”
William James

THE DEVIL AND ME

Yesternight I had another confrontation with the devil (or is it God trying to talk to me?). Anyway, so I go to bed and light my mosquito coil (we got manic, psychotic mosquitos at our place!) and get into bed. A few minutes later, barely 6minutes by the way because i had turned on some music on my phone and two songs had barely played, I hear someone whispering. I wake up with a start! I tell myself that the mosquito coil is what is causing me to hallucinate (though I have used it several times before without having the same effect), I get up, put it off and go back to bed. It turns out that it wasn't the coil, because throughout the night, the whisperings continue. I toss turn and the whisperings continue. I couldn't hear what was being whispered, either because it wasn't clear or because I was too scared to listen. Will someone please tell me what is happening??????

PS: On the night of the first encounter with 'the devil' (see blog with the same title), I had noticed there were no mosquitos as I got into bed. Last night, as I got into bed, I also noticed that there were no mosquitos (I lit the coil as a precaution). Could there actually be something going on here???HELP!